


A Very Murphamy Christmas

by awesomeskittlesclw83



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Christmas, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Language, M/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-22
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-03-02 19:43:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 25,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2823821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awesomeskittlesclw83/pseuds/awesomeskittlesclw83
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Christmas has never been good for Murphy but when someone new moves in next door things begin to change. Can he get past all the pain from before or is Christmas always gonna be a nightmare?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's Christmas, I got bored, started thinking and this happened. Enjoy.

Christmas had always been a lovely time for Murphy, if by lovely you meant a fucking disaster. Ever since his dad died when he was 17 Christmas had been one big nightmare in a long line of disappointments and fuck ups. The only thing he was sure of was that this year wouldn't be any different.

He tried to ignore the knocking that kept getting louder with every passing second but couldn't. He lay there going they'd go away but when he heard them speak he knew it wasn't happening and got up to answer the door.

"Murphy I swear to God if you don't open this fucking for I'm gonna...!"

The door opens revealing an annoyed and tired Murphy.

"You'll what Clarke, sick Raven on me? Go away. I'm not in the mood."

"Come on Murphy, you know Wick throws awesome parties. If you'd just come I know you'd enjoy..."

"I'm not going to his damn party Clarke, so just forget it. Now leave."

"Look if this is about Finn, Raven said..."

"This has nothing to do with fucking Finn! Why do you think everything it's about him? Just because he broke your heart when he used you to get to me and you can't seem to get over it doesn't mean I haven't!"

Once the words left his mouth and he saw the look on Clarke's face he instantly regretted it.

"Fuck you, Murphy!" Clarke said as she stormed off down the hall and out the apartment building.

He rested his forehead on the door and let out a sigh as he watched her go. He really shouldn't have been so mean to her considering she was really the only person he had ever come close to being able to call friend since Mbege.

He closed the door, slamming his fist into the wall beside it and kicking himself for thinking about him especially now. He continued pounding the wall until his fist was bloody and he no longer thought of him. He stared at the hole in the wall for a bit, knowing he'd have to fix it later on before heading to the bathroom to clean up and get ready for work.

Immediately after he'd finished getting dressed there was a loud banging on his door.

"Open the fucking door Murphy! I knew you're here cuz your car's out front, so open the damn door before I break it down!"

If course she'd send Raven. She always sent Raven. He took a deep breath and made his way to the door, knowing if he kept her waiting she would absolutely breakdown his door cuz she had before and they were bitches to replace.

"Can we make this quick, I need to get to work."

"I don't care. Why do you always have to be such a dick, especially to Clarke? I don't understa..."

"I don't want or need you to understand. I'm a dick. I know it, you know it and Clarke knows it, so let's just leave it at that and be fucking done with it. Now I have to get to work."

He pushes past her and heads out the door. He knew when he got home he'd get a visit from Wick cuz that's what always happened and when he told him no, they'd leave him alone. So when there was a knock on his door shortly after he got home that night, he opened it. However when saw who it was he wished he hadn't.

"What the fuck do you want?"

"Good to see you too, Murph."

Murphy cringed at the nickname that he'd always hated before replying.

"Why are you here, Finn?"

"I was in the neighborhood and figured I'd come see you."

"Bullshit! Now answer the damn question."

"Aren't you gonna invite me in?"

"Wasn't planning to. Goodbye Finn."

Murphy tries closing the door but Finn stops it with his hand.

"Still so rude and still such a turn on. You know I've never found someone who can get me as hot as you."

Murphy backed away from the door enough for Finn to step partially inside. Murphy wasn't sure why he did it but the moment Finn touched his face and pulled him into him, Murphy knew he was making a bad decision and didn't care.

Thankfully Wick arrived in enough time to stop him.

"Ahem. Am I interrupting something?"

Finn pulls away slightly and says "No. I was just leaving."

As Finn leaves he gazes Murphy's crotch with his hand. Wick raises an eyebrow at the action but doesn't say anything about it. Once Finn is gone, Wick walks inside Murphy's apartment, making himself at home as Murphy closes the door.

"By all means, Wick lounge on my couch and while you're at it help yourself to whatever in my fridge."

"Thanks man but I ain't hungry."

Murphy looks at him as if he's stupid but Wick's only reply is "what" when he notices.

Murphy smiles, walks over to the couch and says "Scoot over man, it's my couch after all."

They sit in silence staring at the tv a while before Wick speaks.

"Clarke sticks her nose where it doesn't belong, a lot but it's cuz she cares and worries about you. As far as the party goes, if you come, you come and if not, don't worry about it. Raven's just pissed you made Clarke cry but I took care of our."

"Did I seriously make her cry ?"

"I don't know, probably not. You know how Raven exaggerates when it's Clarke."

"I guess."

"Seriously dude, don't sweat it. So I guess Finn's in town for the holidays?"

"Wouldn't know. He didn't say."

"Here." Wick hands him a bag of herbs and and says  
"Monty and Jasper sent this for you. It's there special Christmas Blend.They thought you could use the help."

"Tell the thanks."

Wick gets up and heads for the door as he speaks, "Will do and don't worry about the party. You still coming to lunch tomorrow?"

Murphy stares at the tv a little longer before fixing dinner. He had to admit Wick wah probably one of few people in his life he actually liked. Mainly cuz he never pressured him about things or rarely questioned his actions. Not to mention the fact that he didn't say anything about Finn which Murphy was glad about since he didn't feel like discussing him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murphy meets the new neighbors.

Murphy was woken up once again by the sound of knocking on his door.

"I swear to God Raven if that's you I'm gonna..." He throws open the door in his boxers to see a black haired girl about Clarke's size, maybe 19 years old standing there startled.

"Sorry, I thought you were someone else. Was there something you wanted?"

"I was..." She started to reply but was cut off by someone yelling from next door.

"Hey O, did you find someone with a putty knife yet?"

"I was in the middle of asking if you'd shut up for 2 seconds. I swear if you weren't so damn cheap I could've been to the hardware store and back by now."

"Just ask around, would you?"

"I'm trying! Just give me a damn chance!"

Murphy watched the scene a bit unsure of how to interpret it. Obviously they knew each other and were close. He guessed they were together since they reminded him a bit of Raven and Wick who were forever playfully bickering about something.

"So I take you need a putty knife?" Murphy said. Drawing her attention back to him.

"If you have one, it'd be great. My brother is a cheap skate."

"I heard that." Replied the voice from down the hall.

"I don't care." Was her quick response before continuing the present conversation.

"Sorry about that, I'm Octavia and that idiot in there is Bellamy."

"Murphy."

"Well Murphy if you could help us out with a putty knife it would be greatly appreciated. We're trying to fix up some things and someone refuses to pay money for things that should've already been done."

"I have a putty knife and extra putty if you need it. Hang on and I'll grab em."

"You're a life saver, seriously. I really didn't wanna knock every door trying to find the damn thing."

Murphy comes back with the knife and extra putty a second later.

"Thank you so much. We don't need the putty but I'll make sure Bellamy brings your knife back when we're done."

She leaves and Murphy decides to start getting ready for lunch. As he gets out of the shower he's greeted by his phone ringing and someone knocking on his door simultaneously.

"Ugh. I swear if Raven is at the door and Clarke on the phone I'm skipping lunch." 

He says to himself as he decides to answer the door first. He opens the door in a towel to find Octavia.

"Hi, sorry to keep bothering you but..." She pauses as she notices he's in a towel.

"Um do you own actual clothes or did you think I was your girlfriend?"

Murphy looks down realizing he's still in a towel but switches focus at the mention of a girlfriend.

"I don't have a girlfriend."

"Oh, I just assumed with the way you answered the door that Raven was..."

He doesn't even let her finish the sentence before he interjects.

"Raven is not, I repeat not my girlfriend. I'd rather jump into a volcano and she'd prefer pushing me into one."

"Damn, I didn't mean...it's just with you being in your boxers earlier and a towel now I just...I'm sorry."

"It's fine. You knocked on my door for a reason, so what was it?"

"Right, um...you're still in a towel."

"Shit. Sorry, give me a second. I'll be right back."

He closed the door so he can get dressed and Octavia wonders if she's not his type or if there was another reason he hadn't hit on her yet.

"Better?" Murphy said when he opened the door.

"Much. So I remembered you had that extra putty and..."

"Let me guess, your idiot brother didn't buy enough?"

"Pretty much. We just moved in last night and in addition to everything else we needed to fix, Bell knocked a hole in the wall moving the couch that he made bigger this morning."

"The walls in this place are kinda shitty. I had to fix mine last night."

"Thank you. I'm so glad you're not an asshole like most of the people in this building."

"Well that depends on who you're talking to." He says as he hands her the putty.

"Let me guess, Raven?"

"Her words for me are a bit more colorful."

"Thanks. I'll bring what's left back."

"Don't worry about it. Keep it just in case another hole pops up."

She smiles and happily bounces off down the hall as Murphy's phone goes off again. He picks it up with every intention of hitting ignore until he sees its Wick and answers it.

"Just wanted to let you know we moved lunch to 1 since Raven's working till 12."

"Okay, I'll see you then."

Before he hangs up Murphy asks Wick something he's not entirely sure why he asked.

"Hey Wick, could I bring someone to lunch with me? Well 2 someones, actually."

"Sure but I'm gonna need some Intel otherwise Raven will beat me."

"It's not a boyfriend. This girl and her brother just moved in next door last night and they don't know anyone here so..."

"Bring em. I love meeting new people."

"Thanks. I'll see you at 1."

Murphy hangs up the phone and stands there staring at it, unsure of what just happened. He couldn't believe he'd asked that especially since he wasn't even sure Octavia and Bellamy would come.

He put his phone down and started pacing, trying to figure out how to ask them without sounding creepy or like he was hitting on Octavia. When he saw the paint can, he got a brilliant idea. He grabbed the can and opened the door, surprised to see Octavia getting ready to knock again.

"Hey, sorry to keep asking you for stuff and if from now on you run the other way when you see me I'll understand but our paint doesn't match."

"I have some. It's a strange color so it's difficult to match."

"I tried telling him it wouldn't work but he wouldn't listen."

"Here and don't worry about bringing it back. I know the color I'm looking for if I need it."

"I would say this will be the last thing I ever ask you for but I have a feeling it won't be, so thanks again."

She starts to leave but Murphy stops her to ask about lunch.

"Hey Octavia? I'm going to lunch with some friends at 1, you and your brother should come along. It would give you a chance to meet other non assholes."

"That's really sweet of you. I'll see what Bell says and let you know. When you leaving?"

"Probably 12:30 or so. The restaurant is only like 10 minutes from here."

"Okay, I'll let you know before then and thanks again Murphy."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murphy meets Bellamy.

Inside the Blake's apartment.

"No."

"But Bell."

"I said no O and that's final."

Even though Bellamy had put his foot down Octavia wasn't ready to give up yet.

"Come on Bell, he's a nice guy and he invited us, us to come. We'd get to know some people here and maybe make a friend or two."

Bellamy had to admit she had a point but he certainly wasn't telling her that.

"The only reason he's so nice to you is cuz he wants to..."

"Seriously Bell? Not this shit again. He's not trying to get in my pants."

"How do you know? You don't know what he's thinking."

"I know when a guy's into me Bell and he's not."

He knew Octavia had a sixth sense when it came to guys liking her or not but he wasn't ready to take her word for it.

"What makes you so sure?"

"I've seen him in both his boxers and a towel and he has yet to even attempt hitting on me. Besides I'm going with or without you."

And there it was, she had put her foot down and called his bluff which meant he had to come up with a new strategy.

"Fine. You wanna go, go but first I'm gonna see how nice he is when I being his knife back."

Bellamy smiled as a look of horror comes across her face.

"Bell no. Please don't be an asshole. I'd really like to live in a place where our neighbors don't hate us. Bell! Bell? Dammit Bellamy Blake!"

As Octavia yelled he walked out the door of their apartment and headed to Murphy's. He needed to make sure this guy had no intentions of getting with his sister and give him the Bellamy Blake seal of approval before even entertaining the idea of letting her go.

Murphy's apartment

Murphy was bored and wished he hadn't been woken up so early cuz he still had at least an hour before he needed to leave for lunch.

He was pulled from his thoughts by a knock on his door almost like Raven's but less angry. He opens the door to find a tall, black haired guy in his mid twenties who he had to admit was kinda gorgeous standing there.

As Murphy took in the sight of him he noticed the putty knife in his hand and assumed he was Octavia's brother.

"So you're the idiot brother."

"Come again." Was Bellamy's reply as he'd been too busy staring at Murphy's blue eyes to register what he'd said.

"Sorry it's just...never mind. I see you're done with my knife."

"Uh yeah. Here. Thanks by the way."

"Anytime." Murphy takes the knife but notices Bellamy making no attempt to go back to his own apartment.

"Was there something else you needed?"

"Um, O said you invited us to lunch with you and your friends."

"I did. I told them about you two moving in last night and they love meeting new people. Besides it'll give them something elder to talk about besides me not going to a stupid Christmas party."

"Why? It's a Christmas party and it's December."

"Christmas isn't a good time for me. Anyways there's no pressure for you to come if you don't want to."

Bellamy stands there silent and Murphy doesn't know how to gage his reaction.

"So 12:30?" Bellamy asks breaking the silence.

"Or 12:45. Like I told your sister the restaurant is 10 minutes from here, so as long as I'm there by 1 it's fine."

Bellamy nods and walks back to his apartment leaving Murphy confused by what just happened. He couldn't read him and was unsure of what he thought of him. He was also unclear as to why he cared considering Bellamy had been a bit rude.

Back in the Blake's apartment Octavia is anxious to know what happened.

"So does he hate us? Tell me he didn't hate us. Bell? Bellamy? What did you do?"

"Nothing." Was all he said but Octavia didn't believe him.

"Bell!?"

"I didn't do anything O and he doesn't hate us."

"So what's going on?"

"Get ready cuz we're going to lunch."

"But..are we going..."

"Hurry up would you. We only have 15 minutes before we need to meet Murphy."

"So you're letting...told you he was nice."

Octavia said with a smile as she headed to get room to get ready. Bellamy hoped he wasn't making a mistake cuz of a pretty face with amazing blue eyes.

At 12:40 Murphy sighed and grabbed his keys certain they weren't coming. He really didn't wanna endure a lunch full of questions about not going to Wick's party or why his new neighbors didn't show up.

Thankfully there was a knock on his door a few minutes later which was them.

"We'd have been here sooner but O had to change at the last second." 

"It's fine. We still got time. You wanna follow me or...?"

"Actually there's something wrong with my car and I don't trust it, so if you don't mind us riding with you..."

"That's fine and just so you know Raven, who you'll meet at lunch, is a mechanic and I'm sure she'd be glad to look at your car if you asked her to."

"I'll keep that in mind, thanks."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is lunch and Finn makes another appearance.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is Murphy really over Finn or are they just history repeating?

Murphy was very glad that Bellamy and Octavia had decided to come to lunch because for once the focus was no longer on him. Everyone was so busy asking them questions that he was actually enjoying himself. Of course it didn't last.

Suddenly Murphy's phone rings.

"Hello. What? No. It's my day off."

Murphy sighs as he gets up from the table so he wouldn't further interrupt the conversation but his leaving didn't go unnoticed.

Murphy's outside on the phone

"Look I'll come in on one condition and one condition only and that's if I get new year's eve, New year's day, and the day after off. If not I'm walking."

There was a short pause as if the person on the other line was debating his terms before they agree.

"Good. I'll see you in 30."

When Murphy comes back to the table both Wick and Jasper give him a curious look but it's Jasper who speaks.

"Your boss is a dick."

"Yeah and unfortunately I gotta go but I get new year's eve, day, and the day after off because of it."

"Still sucks you gotta leave though."

"I know. Um they rode with me so..."

Wick speaks before Murphy can finish his sentence.

"Don't worry about it. I'll take em home."

"Thanks man."

Wick nods as Murphy throws some money on the table and heads to work.

After a long and surprisingly stressful 6 hours Murphy was less than thrilled by what he saw as he made his way to his apartment.

"What do you want?"

"I thought we could finish what we started yesterday. I met your new neighbor. He's kinda hot."

Murphy really didn't feel like dealing with Finn right now.

"Go away Finn. It's been a long day. All I wanna do is drink a beer and go to bed."

Finn moves closer to Murphy as he speaks.

"Well why don't you let me help you relax like I used to. I know you remember how good I was at that."

He touches Murphy's face and pins him up against the wall. The closeness makes Murphy uncomfortable and excited at the same time.

Suddenly Finn's lips graze Murphy's neck. The sensation feels so familiar that it takes Murphy a while to push him off.

"Goodbye Finn." Murphy says as he unlocks his door and walks inside.

He pushes the door closed behind him but it must not have closed all the way because he feels arms wrapping around his waist.

Finn pulls Murphy into him from behind and whispers in his ear "I know you don't mean that," as he kisses his neck.

Murphy spins around, shoving Finn into the door which finally closes it.

"I said goodbye Finn! You can't just stroll back into my life like s year ago never happened. We're done. I'm done. Now leave."

Finn smiles and challenges "And if I don't?"

"Dammit Finn! Just fucking leave!"

Murphy punches the door beside Finn's head as he speaks so hard that it splinters the wood.

"Still so violent. I've missed this."

Finn says, smiling, unfazed by Murphy's outburst and kisses him.

Murphy pushes him away but only for a second ad he grabs Finn's waist, pulls him into him and kisses him. 

Murphy knows it's not the best decision he's ever made and though it's not the worst, it's definitely one he'll regret in the morning.

Murphy was woken up before his alarm by movement next to him. He turns over to see Finn getting dressed and a bedroom in shambles.

"So you just fuck me and leave me, why am I not surprised."

"Come on Murphy, you knew this was just sex. Besides you need to get to work and I have family stuff. Tis the season after all."

He smiles as he gives Murphy a quick kiss before heading for the door. He stops just before leaving the room and says

"Who knows I may come back for seconds later."

Murphy hears his apartment door close and lays in bed waiting for his alarm to go off.

He gets outta bed and as he's getting ready for work, he surveys the damage from last night's adventure.

While making breakfast, he makes a mental note of everything he'd need to pick up from the hardware store before coming home that evening.

As he leaves the apartment he looks at the door and shakes his head cuz he'd have to get a new one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter Murphy and Finn have issues and Bellamy just wants to help.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get interesting between Finn and Murphy and Wick makes another appearance.

While Murphy's unloading the supplies from the hardware store Bellamy pulls up into the spot next to him.

"Thanks for suggesting I talk to Raven, she's amazing."

"Yeah. She's pretty good at what she does."

"She can't stand you though."

"I know but I'm used to it."

Bellamy starts grabbing supplies from Murphy's car.

"Here let me help."

"It's okay, I got it."

"Seriously it's the least I can do after helping me and O."

Murphy figured there was no point in arguing especially since Bellamy already had stuff in his hands and was headed for the building door.

Bellamy was waiting outside Murphy's apartment for him to open the door.

"Thanks. You can just sit that beside the door."

Bellamy looks around at the state of Murphy's apartment as he placed the stuff inside.

"Looks like someone had a rough night."

"You could say that."

"What happened?"

"Not that it's any of your business but an old friend stopped by."

"If this is how you treat your friends how do your fair?"

"Do you really wanna know?"

"Guess not."

Murphy didn't wanna be rude but he didn't really feel like making small talk when he needed to fix the door.

"Thanks for your help but I can handle it from here."

"Right. Guess I'll see you later."

Bellamy heads back to his apartment while Murphy gets started on the door.

Bellamy's apartment.

"So are we good?"

"Raven fixed it for free."

"That's awesome. So where's the food?"

"Chill I got it right here."

"So what's the plan for tonight?"

"I was thinking about after eating heading over to help Murphy. He had a lot of stuff from the hardware store including a door."

"You sure that's the only reason." Octavia teased.

"What do you mean?"

"You like him, don't you?"

"What are you talking...No"

"C'mon Bell, remember who you're talking too. I saw you staring at him. He's kinda cute, maybe a little damaged but he's got some pretty eyes. Besides you wanna go help him fix stuff so he can see..."

"We're all damaged O."

"You still like him. Just admit it."

"Whatever."

Octavia smiled as he headed over to Murphy's. She hoped Murphy wouldn't break his heart because right now neither could deal with that.

Bellamy lightly taps on the door causing it to fall slightly before hitting something.

"What the fuck..." Murphy yells from behind the door.

"Shit man, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were behind there."

"Did you want something cuz I'm a bit busy."

"I came to help. I saw you had a door and know how hard they are to put in by yourself so..."

Murphy continued to unscrew the door hinges as Bellamy talked. As the door started to fall, Bellamy grabs it, stopping it from hitting Murphy again.

Murphy reaches for the door but sees Bellamy holding it.

"Thanks. You can sit it in the hall. I'll get it later."

"So what happened to the door or is that none of my business?"

"Got mad and threw something. Can you grab the other door for me?"

Murphy quickly changed the subject, not wanting to talk about last night.

Bellamy nods and brings the door over, holding it in place as Murphy screws in the hinges. 

"I can help you with the other stuff too if you want me..."

"He's got help but thanks. You can leave now."

Murphy shakes his head at the sound of the voice as Bellamy turns to see the same dark haired boy that was waiting outside Murphy's door the other day standing there.

Murphy stares at them both in silence not sure what to do or say. Bellamy takes his silence as his cue to leave although Murphy didn't look happy with the other boy's presence.

"What the hell is your problem?"

"Just thought I'd help you clean up the mess I helped make."

"Bullshit! The truth Finn. Why are you here?"

"Miller and I broke up and want someone to spend Christmas with."

"We don't do Christmas very well, remember? Besides last night was a mistake. I know it, you know it so let's just forget it. Now leave Finn. I don't want you here."

"Like last night?"

"Leave!"

"And if I don't?"

"Fuck you Finn!"

"You already did. Twice actually."

As a smile comes across Finn's face he moves closer to Murphy. When he doesn't move Finn takes it as his cue to keep going and grabs Murphy, pulling him into him.

The smile on Finn's face widens and Murphy has a sudden urge to wipe it off. He wasn't sure why but as Finn leans closer to kiss him, Murphy does just that. 

He pushes Finn away and punches him in the face.

"Get out!"

Murphy walks out the apartment, past Finn and down the hall to Bellamy's. He felt like he needed to apologize to him for Finn, even if he didn't know why.

He was hallway to Bellamy's when Finn spoke.

"Wasn't expecting that. Guess this is how Mbege felt when..."

"Don't fucking talk about him! You don't get to talk about him! Not now, not ever."

"What's a matter Murph? Did I hit a nerve or are you experiencing some deja vu from that night?"

Murphy doesn't speak and instead charges Finn, throwing him to the ground and starts punching him. Murphy's so caught up in his own rage that he didn't hear Wick yelling at him to stop, but Bellamy does.

When he steps out of his apartment to see what's going on, he finds Wick pulling Murphy off Finn. Before he can stop him, Murphy punches Wick in the face and goes back to attacking Finn.

However Wick's interference allowed Finn to regain some composure and the fight was no longer one sided.

Wick gets them apart again with the help of Bellamy and they make sure they're between Finn and Murphy.

"You need to leave Finn, now!"

"This isn't over Murph."

"Stop calling me that! I fucking hate it! I see you around here again I'll fucking kill you."

Finn smiles causing Murphy to jump at him but is held back by Bellamy.

"Leave! Now!"

Finn starts to speak but is cut off by Wick.

"I swear Finn if you open that fucking mouth you won't have to worry about Murphy killing you cuz I'll do it for him! Now get the fuck out!"

Finn concedes and leaves with a smile on his face like he's accomplished something. 

Wick's lip is bleeding from Murphy hitting him and his shirt is smeared with Murphy's blood but he didn't care.

"What don't you go change and clean up, okay? I'll fix the door."

Wick practically pushes Murphy into the bathroom and closes the door with very little protest. Wick starts working on the door with the help of Bellamy who he knew was confused by the whole situation.

After they fix the door, Wick decides to fix everything else before checking on Murphy and answering Bellamy's questions about the fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy sees more of the aftermath of Murphy's anger.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murphy deals with the aftermath of his fight with Finn.

Once everything is fixed Bellamy starts to ask Wick about Finn but before he can say anything Wick speaks.

"Look Finn and Murphy have a history, obviously and as much as I'd like to explain everything I can't cuz it's not my place to, it's his. And honestly he won't tell you either. He's a very guarded person and doesn't let people in. The only reason we know what we do is because we were with him when it happened."

"So what do I do?"

"Give him time. Maybe he'll tell you, maybe he won't but don't push him. Also chances are he doesn't even remember you holding him back from Finn, so..."

"I shouldn't be here when he comes out of the bathroom."

"Yeah. I got him. He'll be fine. This isn't the first time I've had to babysit after a fight."

Bellamy nods and as he makes his way out the door he hears Wick checking on Murphy.

"Hey man, you okay in there?"

"Yeah. I'll be out in a minute."

Wick sat on the couch watching tv as he waited for Murphy to come out. When he finally does, he heads straight for the kitchen where he grabs 2 beers from the fridge before sitting on the couch next to Wick.

He hands Wick one of the beers and the two sit there in silence for about 10 minutes before one of them speaks.

"So does he look as bad as I feel or worse?"

"I'd say worse but it's a close call."

"So who hit you?"

"That would be you but no worries, you were in the moment."

"Why are you here? Not that I'm ungrateful that you showed up but..."

"Finn showed up at that coffee shop Clarke always goes to and apparently mentioned something to her about having an interesting night with you and..."

"She sent you to check on me."

"Pretty much."

"I fucked up. I mean it's not like it's new territory for me but..."

"We all fuck up every now and then. We wouldn't be human if we didn't. Don't worry too much about it. I'll see you later. Get some sleep."

Wick gets up to leave but stops at the door when Murphy speaks.

"Hey Wick, about the door..."

"Not a problem man and thanks for the beer."

Wick leaves and Murphy watched tv a bit longer before heading to bed.

As he lays in bed he can hear music coming from Bellamy's apartment and wonders if it had been playing the whole time without him noticing.

The music continues and he debates going over there and apologizing for Finn but sees that the clock says 1a.m. and decides to wait till tomorrow.

Soon Murphy hears the neighbors complaining and banging on Bellamy's door. When he can no longer take either he decides to try for himself.

He opens the door and sees at least 5 people taking turns banging on the door but once they notice him they all leave. He's not sure if it's because of his face or what but he's left alone to deal with the issue.

He's about to bang on the door when he hears Octavia screaming over the music.

"Dammit Bell, people are trying to fucking sleep! What the hell is your problem?"

The volume lowers and Murphy returns to his apartment. He's not sure when he fell asleep but when his alarm goes off at 8, he throws it across the room and rolls over.

Thirty minutes later his cell phone alarm goes off and he gets up. His side and hands scream in pain as he makes his way to the bathroom where he finally gets a good look at himself in the mirror and decides he's not going to work today.

He takes a picture and send it to his boss, saying "Had a rough night, do I really have to come in?"

"Damn! Let me know how it looks tomorrow. I don't need questions about the leisure activities of my employees." Was his reply.

"Thanks."

"Yeah yeah. Next time think."

"You know I don't do that."

"Maybe you should."

Now that that was taken care of, he tried to figure out if he should shower or not. He knew he needed to but wasn't sure if he felt like dealing with the pain.

In the end he decided he needed to shower and try getting his wounds cleaner than they were. As he grabbed his clothes he found Jasper and Monty's Christmas Blend in the back of one of his drawers and knew it would dull the pain enough for him to get through a shower.

Just as he was about to light up there was a s sharp knock on his door. He put everything back in the drawer and answered the door.

He opens the door to find Octavia who although unfazed by him being in his boxers was not by the state of his face.

"Holy shit! What the hell happened to you?"

"Minor disagreement last night. Not a big deal."

"Hope the other guy looks worse."

"That's still up for debate. Did you want something?"

"I wanted to apologize for the loud music last night. Bell does it sometimes when he's trying to think. I know a few of the neighbors were upset and honestly I wanted to knock on a door where I knew I'd be greeted like a person."

"Well I'm not angry about it cuz I didn't pay any attention to it. I was a bit occupied with my disagreement but thanks for the apology."

Murphy lied. Mainly because he wasn't angry and it seemed to make her happy.

Octavia starts to leave but turns back around and says 

"Were you invited to Clarke's party tomorrow? Bell and I are going but we don't know where she lives."

"I was but haven't decided if I'm going or not. I can give you directions just in case."

"Oh well I'll let you know if we do."

Murphy waits until she's inside get apartment before he closes his door. He finds himself upset and a bit hurt that neither Wick or Clarke mentioned her having a party.

He punches the wall which only serves to make him more aware of his injured hand as he heads to the bathroom to smoke his herbs and shower.

He says herbs cuz he isn't sure you could classify their Christmas Blend as weed considering everything that goes into making it but damn was it affective.

He was gonna call Clarke about her party but after a few puffs he didn't care anymore. He finished smoking and took a shower, grateful for the numbing effects cuz his body no longer throbbed or screamed with every movement or touch.

After his shower he lays on his bed in a towel thinking. About what he's not sure but the drugs hadn't worn off yet and he was comfortable.

His phone rings and it takes him a second to register that it's Clarke before answering.

"What?"

"Hello to you too Murphy."

"I've had a bad couple of days so cut the craps and get to the point of this call."

"Damn! You don't have to be so rude."

The drugs were wearing off and he could feel his anger coming back.

"Yeah well you called me, remember."

"I was checking to see how you were doing. I saw Finn earlier and I was worried."

"Don't be, I'm fine. Is that all?"

"I wanted to invite you to my party tomorrow."

"You know how I feel about parties so no."

"I know but just consider it. The invitation is out there if you change your mind."

"I won't. Look Clarke I gotta get to work."

Another lie but before she can reply, he hangs up the phone and starts getting dressed.

After the third time of trying to put a shirt on he gives up because the pain is too much. He knows a few of his ribs are broken and cracked as well as possibly something pulled in his shoulder but doesn't wanna see a doctor.

He could see Clarke but that would involve questions he wasn't gonna and didn't wanna answer so he dismissed the thought completely.

He makes his way to the kitchen and noticing the crack in the wall, sighs glad that he bought more putty and paint after Finn.

He looks in the fridge but the only thing promising is a few beers and as he reaches for one there's a knock on his door. 

He opens the door to find Bellamy and is confused as to why he'd be there. Especially after Octavia already apologized for the music.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter Bellamy plays doctor.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy plays doctor.

Bellamy took one look at Murphy's face and said "Shit. O was right, you look like shit."

"Not that I don't appreciate the humor the two of you find in all of this but why are you here? Your sister already apologized for the music."

"I came to see your face and if you needed help fixing things but I see it's taken care of."

Bellamy lied cuz he didn't wanna seem rude by only coming to look at Murphy's face like he was an attraction at a freak show or something.

"Yeah, um Wick helped me out last night."

Bellamy thought up another lie, trying to keep the conversation going and see what Murphy would actually tell him.

"What happened to that guy who told me to leave?"

"Finn. His name is Finn and we had a bit of a..."

"Disagreement?" Bellamy interrupted.

Murphy quickly tried changing the subject because Finn was the last thing he wanted to be talking about right now.

"Look I'm sorry about that. He...we..."

He couldn't seem to find the right words to explain exactly what he and Finn were but luckily Bellamy cut him off.

"It's fine man. Don't sweat it. I'll talk to you la..."

Bellamy stops talking when he notices something sticking out of Murphy's hand.

"You have something in your hand. It looks like wood. I can pull..."

Murphy looks down at his hand and pulls the piece of wood out while Bellamy is still taking. Bellamy stares at him in disbelief as Murphy speaks.

"Thanks but I got it."

"Obviously. I can see...shit you're bleeding."

Before Murphy can say anything or even register what's happening, Bellamy takes his hand, pulls him into the kitchen and starts cleaning Murphy's hand with a damp cloth.

Murphy stares at him unsure of what to say or do but can't help noticing how gentle Bellamy's touch is.

He's snapped outta his thoughts by a sudden sharp pain in his knuckle and jerks his hand away. As he does he twists his body which causes another sharp pain in his side that almost brings him to his knees.

"Fuck me!" Murphy yells

"Sorry. There was another piece of wood, so I pulled it out."

He notices Murphy grabbing his side and says "After I bandage your hand, I'll look at your side."

"I'm fine. Really Bellamy, you don't have to do this."

"Consider it a thank you for the knife, putty and paint and you not wanting my sister."

"She's not my type and a simple thank you would have been fine."

Murphy was hoping Bellamy wouldn't ask about his type considering he was quite certain he wasn't Bellamy's type.

"Well you're getting this so where's your first aid kit?"

"Bathroom, under the sink." Murphy replies glad that the topic of his type was dismissed.

Bellamy grabs the kit and starts to bandage Murphy's hand like Clarke would. Murphy wonders if he's done this before and decides to ask him.

"I take it you've done this before."

"Once or twice. O can be a bit feisty at times and it's given me some practice." He answers like it's no big deal.

When he finishes with Murphy's hand, he pulls Murphy up outta the chair he was sitting in and says "Stand still, okay. I'll try and be gentle."

Murphy does what he says as Bellamy sits down in the chair and as he becomes aware of Bellamy's closeness Murphy feels a little uncomfortable.

As Bellamy starts pushing on as well as across Murphy's sides and ribs Murphy feels a sensation that although isn't pain, he's not entirely sure he likes.

Bellamy runs his hands across Murphy's side and ribs one more time before he's satisfied and speaks.

"A few of them may be broken but I'm sure most are cracked or bruised. You should see a doctor for the pain."

"I have something for the pain and I already know a doctor, I'm just not sure they'd wanna see me."

Bellamy cracks a small smile as he replies "Maybe it's you who doesn't wanna see them."

"Probably but I'll be fine. I always am. Thanks though."

Bellamy nods and Murphy realizes that although he's stopped pushing Bellamy hadn't removed his hands from his body yet.

As the realization sunk in Bellamy stood up and Murphy felt his hands move slightly but still remain on him.

Murphy takes a sharp intake of air as he feels Bellamy's thumbs lightly rubbing his stomach which must have alerted him to what he was doing because Bellamy immediately moves his hands and clears his throat as he takes a step back.

"Well I'm gonna go. I have some stuff that works wonders on bruises and shoulder injuries. Athletes use it, so it's really good shit. I can bring it by later if you wanna try it out."

"Thanks. Maybe it'll help my shoulder cuz it's been killing me. I couldn't even out my shirt on this morning."

"Would you mind if I took a look?" Bellamy asked, not really wanting to leave just yet.

"No, go ahead." Murphy said hoping he'd offer cuz he didn't want him to leave or stop touching him.

Bellamy walks behind Murphy looking at his shoulder. As he pushes on it slightly, Murphy's body tenses in pain.

"Sorry. It's not dislocated but..." 

Bellamy pushes harder causing Murphy to cry out "Fuck!"

"Sorry. I think you pulled something. Did you hit something with your shoulder? Like a wall or a..."

"A person?" Murphy interrupted.

"That would probably do it, if you hit them hard enough. I'd really suggest seeing a doctor cuz the pain will get worse and so will your mobility of your shoulder."

As Bellamy spoke he walked around to face Murphy, running his hand across Murphy's shoulder and down his arm before stopping at Murphy's elbow but not removing his hand.

Suddenly Bellamy brings his other hand up to Murphy's face causing him to flinch and Bellamy to hesitate slightly before actually touching Murphy's face.

His touch sends chills through Murphy's body as Bellamy lightly runs a finger across Murphy's cheek before he says "You should put some ice on that, it'll reduce the swelling."

Murphy nods not really paying attention to Bellamy's words because his finger continues to trace the line of Murphy's jaw before running down his neck.

The hand that was on Murphy's arm Bellamy moves to Murphy's waist where his grip tightens, sending shivers up Murphy's spine.

Murphy swears Bellamy's gonna lean in for a kiss but surprisingly he pulls away and says "I need to go" before heading out the door.

Murphy stands there for a while trying to figure out what the hell just happened before heading to his bedroom to grab his phone.

When he bends down to pick it up off his bed, he notices his reflection in the mirror and sees a hickey on his neck from Finn.

Bellamy probably thought that he was seeing someone and instead of telling him otherwise, Murphy didn't say anything because Bellamy Blake was better off without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up Clarke's party.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke finally gets a look at Murphy after his fight with Finn and there's a party.

Once Octavia heard the door to their apartment open and close, she runs out of her room into the living room.

"Have fun playing doctor? He totally dug it, right?"

Bellamy ignores her and heads into the kitchen where Octavia follows him.

"Bell? Bell, what happened? Bellamy answer me!"

"I don't know." He said it so quietly that if she hadn't been in the room with him she'd have never heard it.

"What do you mean, you don't know? What happened?" Octavia questioned

"He's got anger and possibly trust issues."

"And you don't? C'mon Bell, you always said you needed someone who could match your intensity. Especially after Atom."

"True but you remember what happened with the last one, don't you?" He countered

"Yeah, that was bad." She admitted

"Besides he's seeing someone. A guy named Finn."

"No he's not. He's single. At least that's what Clarke says."

"He has a hickey on his neck O."

"Jeez Bell, you can have a hickey without seeing someone. It's not exactly a ring on someone's finger." 

Bellamy knew she was right but if he backed down, he'd never hear the end of it.

"He just seemed...hesitant, almost uncomfortable with my presence."

"Bell, I'm uncomfortable with your presence. You just have that affect on people but at the same time they're drawn to you. Always have been and he's no different. Clarke says he's standoffish and a bit rough around the edges but if you can get past him being a dick, he's not a bad person."

"Maybe. Where are you going?" He asks as he notices her grabbing her purse and jacket.

"With Clarke and Raven, remember? We're gonna pick up some party stuff and then meet Jasper and Monty for dinner, so I won't be home until after."

"Now that's a strange couple but they work somehow."

"I know. They're so cute together. You gonna be okay here by yourself?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

Octavia knew her brother better than that, so she suggested something for him to do.

"Why don't you call Wick and the two of you can do something. I'm sure he'll be bored since Raven's coming with us."

"I'm not sure he's ever bored."

"Probably not but at the very least it'll be a distraction from everything. Gotta go. Love ya bro." 

"Love you too and be..."

"Careful, I know." She interrupted as she headed out the door.

After thinking about it for a while Bellamy picked up his phone and called Wick. As usual Octavia was right and Wick said he'd pick him up in 20. It seemed they both needed to get a present for Clarke's birthday party tomorrow.

The next day

As it got closer to the time of Clarke's party Murphy sat on his couch staring at the wrapped present on the table, still unsure if he was going or not.

He didn't really feel like partying or having to endure questions about his face but it was Clarke's birthday and he should at least show up. He could always give her the present, wish her a happy birthday and then leave. It was Clarke, she'd understand.

After debating for another few minutes he decided that's what he'd do and headed to Clarke's. However that's not exactly what happened.

Murphy managed to be virtually unseen until Clarke was alone but as soon as she saw his face he knew she wasn't letting him leave without checking him out.

"Damn Murphy. Come inside so I can examine you."

"Clarke I'm fine. Really I don't need you to..." He protested but Clarke was already pulling him into the house.

Once they were alone and in private, the questions started.

"What happened?"

"Small disagreement. Relax Clarke, the other guy looks worse."

"You sure about that?"

"Not really but I know I gave as good as I got." 

As they talked Clarke had been looking over his face.

"Well nothing in your face is broken, surprisingly. Take your shirt off and let me check the rest of you."

"Clarke I'm fine." He continued to protest but Clarke wasn't having it.

"I wasn't asking Murphy."

He lets out a sigh, realizing there's no point in arguing with her and takes his shirt off. He winced from the movements as it caused sharp pains in his side and shoulder.

Clarke took one look at his bruises and knew his ribs were injured. She touched his ribs as gently as possibly but she could still feel his body flinch in pain.

"Well if say you have 2 broken ribs at least and the rest are either cracked or bruised. I can give you something for the pain and wrap them but otherwise they need time to heal."

"Thanks but I'm fine. I got Jasper and Monty's Christmas Blend."

"Well that'll help with the pain but you're gonna need something for those bruises."

"Octavia said Bellamy has this stuff that athletes use for bruises that I can borrow. Are we done? Can I go home now?"

Clarke nods but when Murphy turns to grab his shirt she sees the bruise on his shoulder and stops him.

"Wait. Let me look at your shoulder."

"Clarke it's fine." Murphy sighs

"Really? Raise your arm above your head and hold it for 10 seconds."

"Clarke..." He started to protest but Clarke cut him off.

"I'm not asking Murphy, so do it."

He tries to lift his arm but only manages halfway with it still bent at the elbow before he cries out in pain and drops it.

"Now rotate it."

Murphy looks at her confused and says "Clarke?"

"Rotate it Murphy."

"I can't. I can't do it, okay. So what's my prognosis doc?"

"It's not dislocated but there's definitely something torn. What the hell did you hit, exactly?"

"I charged someone from halfway down the hall and slammed my shoulder into them as they hit the floor."

Clarke shook her head at his nonchalant explanation.

"You should come by the office tomorrow and have my mom x-ray your shoulder. I'll tell her you're coming and you can even get a doctor's note to take a few days off work."

"I can't afford a few days off work Clarke."

"Just come by after lunch."

"Will you send Raven after me if I don't?"

"Probably."

"Fine. I'll stop by tomorrow. Can I go now?"

"Yes and Murphy, thanks for the present and coming to my party."

"You're welcome and happy birthday." Murphy smiles as he put his shirt on and left the room.

Murphy managed to make his way to his car virtually unseen but before he can get in it Bellamy stops him.

"You leaving already?" He questioned.

"Yeah, parties aren't my thing."

"What is your thing exactly?"

"Why do you care?" It came out harsher than he intended but Bellamy continued talking unfazed.

"I found that stuff I was telling to about. I can swing it by when I leave here, if you're still up."

"Just knock on my door. If I'm up I'll answer."

Bellamy nods and heads back into the party add Murphy drives away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has enjoyed this story. I'm glad you like it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy gets too close and Murphy pulls away.

There's a knock on Murphy's door at about 1:30a.m. and he slowly peels himself off the couch to answer it. He opens the door to find Bellamy holding a circular container.

"Here's that stuff I was Damn those bruises look bad. Does it hurt?"

"Only when I move."

"I suppose you'd prefer the ones on your neck to the ones on your side and shoulder."

"They all hurt. It's just each is it's own kinda hurt." Murphy answered absent mindedly.

"I suppose. Well here. I should go and let you get some sleep. You should put that stuff on twice a day for it to be effective."

"Thanks." Murphy says as he reaches for the container.

The movement was quick, to quick and Murphy winces from the pain which Bellamy noticed.

"You okay?"

"I can't lift my arm or rotate my shoulder but I'm good."

"I still think you need to..."

Murphy interrupts him knowing what he's gonna say.

"I'm going tomorrow to get x rayed."

"Well that's good. If you want I can put some of this on your shoulder for you."

Murphy looked at him sorta shocked which prompted Bellamy to clarify.

"I mean since its kinda down your shoulder blade a bit or I'll just go."

Bellamy turns to leave but Murphy lightly touches his hand stopping him, not wanting him to leave or pass up the chance to have Bellamy touch him again.

"I could use the help since every move I make nearly brings me to my knees."

Bellamy smiles as Murphy moves from the door so he can come inside and Murphy feels something he's not entirely sure about but knows it's because he made Bellamy smile.

"No tree yet? Christmas is like 2 weeks away."

"I don't do Christmas."

"Why?"

"Christmas is a bad time for me. Let's just leave it at that, okay?"

Remembering what Wick had said about not pushing him, Bellamy nods and follows Murphy to the couch.

Murphy sits with his back to Bellamy as he hands him the container and he opens it.

Before he starts to rub it on Murphy's shoulder Bellamy says "Just so you know, it may be cold, brace yourself."

Murphy nods as Bellamy starts to gently rub it on his shoulder. He finches a bit from the coldness but it fades quickly.

When Bellamy stops Murphy scrambles for a reason for him to stay but comes up empty. Fortunately Bellamy makes no attempts to move and starts talking.

"So whatcha watching? Is it anything good?"

They both silently curse at the stupidness of the question and the small talk but continue it cuz neither wants to leave the other yet.

"I have no idea. I was just too lazy to get up and go to bed. How was Clarke's party?"

"Fun. You shoulda stayed. Clarke loved you're present by the way."

"I know, she texted me after she opened it."

Murphy flinches again as Bellamy starts rubbing more stuff on the back side of his ribs, lightly grazing the front side every so often and continues talking.

"Octavia and Raven are staying over to help Clarke clean up so my apartment is empty and quiet. You never notice how strange quiet is until someone you're used to being there isn't."

Bellamy sees and feels the slight sag of Murphy's shoulders before he responds.

"You get used to it. After a while the quiet becomes normal, almost soothing."

Bellamy doesn't reply but wishes he could see Murphy's face because he can hear the pain and resentment in his voice so he gets up to face him.

Murphy feels Bellamy get up and wonders if it was something he'd said, hoping he wasn't leaving. He sees Bellamy walk around the couch to sit in front of him which makes Murphy a bit uncomfortable.

"Did you have a sister or brother who lived with you?"

"No, just me. Always me."

It was the way he'd said that last part that had Bellamy convinced he was lying so he questioned him further which was a mistake.

"Who'd you lose Murphy?"

"Look can we not talk about this. It's late and I'd like to get some sleep, so..."

Murphy gets up and heads to the door, leaving Bellamy on the couch a bit confused. He'd already said too much and didn't wanna risk saying more.

"Look if it was something I said I'm sorry. I I'm just trying to get to know you a little better."

Murphy is about to open the door but stops and still facing the door replies.

"Well don't. I'm not good for people or myself actually so you're better off not knowing me at all."

Bellamy wasn't giving up yet. He was stubborn like that.

"Clarke doesn't think so."

"Clarke is a stubborn fool who would definitely be better off without me in her life."

Murphy turns to face Bellamy who's making his way towards him and continues speaking.

"I'm poison Bellamy. I ruin everything I touch. Thanks for what you did but you need to leave."

He opens the door, standing beside it waiting for Bellamy to leave but he doesn't. Instead he touches Murphy's face, lightly brushing his thumb across Murphy's cheek causing Murphy to close his eyes and lean into the touch.

Murphy feels Bellamy's hand wrap around the back of his neck and into his hair as he opens his eyes to see Bellamy's dark eyes staring into his.

As Bellamy leans in to kiss him Murphy puts both hands on Bellamy's chest, lightly pushing him away and taking a step back at the same time.

"Please Bellamy, just leave." Murphy pleads barely above a whisper.

Bellamy nods and leaves Murphy's apartment not wanting to piss him off to the point he didn't wanna speak to him again.

Bellamy knew he hadn't misread things. He knew Murphy was attracted to him but maybe he was coming on too strong. O had told him that he had a tendency to do that so maybe if he took things slower he'd get somewhere.

Whatever the reason Bellamy was intrigued by Murphy and no matter what he'd said Bellamy wanted to know more about him.

Once Bellamy leaves, Murphy closes the door, sliding down it and banging his head against it a couple of times at his stupidity.

He couldn't believe he'd done that. Bellamy was gonna kiss him, wanted to kiss him and he'd pushed him away. Not only did he push him away but he told him to leave. What was wrong with him?

He'd had a chance to spend the night with someone who liked him and he pushed them away. Murphy knew he hadn't misread things between him and Bellamy but he couldn't, wouldn't ruin him like he had everyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked this chapter and I promise they will kiss soon. Next chapter could be Wick's party or something else haven't decided how to go yet. Enjoy.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murphy has a nightmare, goes to the doctor and has breakfast with Bellamy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one. Sorry and the part at the beginning is a dream/flashback, just to clarify.

"You killed him. You killed your father. It should've been you. Why wasn't it you?"

An empty bottle comes flying at his head and he ducks as it shatters against the wall behind him. As she opens another bottle, he leaves not wanting to deal with her abuse. Especially when every venom laced word she spits is the truth.

The scene that greets him when he returns should horrify him but all's he feels is relief and then disgust at himself because he could've, should've done more to stop it.

Maybe if he would've tried harder she wouldn't be lying dead in a pool of her own vomit surrounded by a happily decorated Christmas tree with vomit and alcohol soaked presents halfway wrapped under the tree while It's A Wonderful Life plays on the tv in the background.

Merry Christmas John.

Murphy wakes up in a cold sweat still leaning against the closed door as his cell vibrates off the end table into the floor.

It's Clarke reminding him to be at her mom's office at 12:30. He texts her back a quick ok before slowly making his way to the bathroom.

His body screams in pain more than usual and he can only assume it's from his less than comfortable sleeping position.

As he lets the warm water run over his body he wonders what triggered the nightmare. It had been 2 years since he'd had that particular one and it worried him.

He exits his apartment just as Octavia is making her way to hers.

"You look about like I feel. Guessing you had a rough night too."

"Something like that. Fell asleep on the couch which didn't help my sides or shoulder so I didn't get much sleep."

"At least you got some. I'm never helping Raven and Clarke clean up again. Raven is so bossy and picky when it comes to what goes where. It's crazy. I don't know how Wick deals with her."

"He balances out her crazy. It's a weird combination but they work."

"Like Monty and Jasper. Anyways I'm gonna get some sleep and you should really go to..."

He cuts get off knowing what she's gonna say.

"I'm headed to the doctor's now. I'll see you later."

When Murphy arrives at the doctor's office he notices that Clarke's car is the only one in the parking lot and Clarke and Abby are both outside waiting for him.

"No patients today Doc." Murphy greets them as he approaches.

"We're closed for lunch until 1:30 so you're the only one here right now."

Seeing the confusion on Murphy's face Abby elaborated.

"Clarke said you liked your privacy and we figured you'd be more comfortable if no one else was here."

As he was x rayed and both poked and prodded him he was glad no one else was around. Twenty minutes later they both came back into the room with his x ray in hand.

"So what's the damage?"

"We're gonna wrap your ribs which you'll need to redo every morning for the next 3 days. The pain won't fully go away until it's completely healed so try limiting your movements."

"Which means no more disagreements." Clarke interjected as Abby continued.

"And as for your shoulder, you don't need surgery but there's a pretty bad tear. It's gonna hurt but you're gonna need some physical therapy."

Murphy started to protest but Clarke stopped him.

"We have a print out of the exercises you can do at home but you have to do them."

"I'll give you something for the pain and if your mobility hasn't improved in 3 days give me a call and we'll reexamine you."

"What happens if it doesn't improve?"

"You may need surgery but we'll cross that bridge when and if we come to it. For now I'll give you a doctor's note for work and as long as you do everything we just said, you should be fine in a month or so."

While Abby wrote the note and prescription, Murphy looked over the exercises he was supposed to do twice a day.

"Seriously? How am I supposed to do this when I wake up? I'm lucky I can wash my hair."

"I can come over and help you out or Wick can. We'll figure it out. Just try it tonight and if you have trouble call me and I'll come over in the morning, okay?"

Good ole Clarke, always thinking of others before herself. He really didn't deserve someone like her in his life but she never listened when he told her so.

Realizing she was waiting for a response, he nodded in agreement as he gathered his papers and headed to his car with Clarke close behind.

"Thanks for you know and tell your mom thanks as well."

"It's what friends do." Clarke says with a smile as she gets on her car and drove off not waiting for a reply.

Murphy shakes his head and gets in his own car thankful that Clarke is so stubborn.

Murphy debated for about an hour about doing his exercises before finally deciding to give them a try but failed miserably.

Knowing he couldn't lift his arm on his own, he used his other hand to help push it up which resulted in him crying out and collapsing to his knees in pain.

Still on his knees he grabs the closest thing and hurls it at the wall, smashing it. He cusses when he realizes he threw his last, just opened beer.

He slowly gets up to clean up the mess not knowing that Bellamy and Octavia had been walking by his door and heard everything.

As he mops up the beer, glad he doesn't have carpet there's a knock on the door.

He doesn't even bother opening it and screams "What?" from the kitchen.

"It's Bellamy. Can I come in?"

Murphy freezes when he hears Bellamy's voice and he must have been silent for a while because the next time Bellamy speaks he sounds concerned.

"Murphy? You okay? Murphy? Answer me."

"It's open." Murphy says as Bellamy slowly opens the door and cautiously steps inside.

"What happened? We heard you yell in pain and then heard something shatter."

"Doctor ordered exercises are a bitch."

"Yeah but helpful in the long run."

"If you can fucking do them. Look at that paper there and tell me how the hell I'm supposed to do that shit twice a day when I can't lift my damn arm? It's bullshit."

Murphy continues his rant while Bellamy looks at the paper.

"I can help you."

"What?" Murphy questioned unsure he heard him right.

"I'll help you. If you want me to."

"Why? Why help me after I..." Murphy trails off not knowing how to continue.

"I'm stubborn and you need help, so let me help."

The look on Bellamy's face was all too familiar. Clarke used the same one when dealing with him and Murphy knew there was no winning the argument. He nodded in agreement as Bellamy led him to the couch and helped him with his exercises.

Murphy was woken up at 8 by a knock on his door and drags himself outta bed to answer it. He's shocked when he sees Bellamy standing there.

"You know what time it is?"

"About 8. Why?"

"Why are you here this early?"

"I came to help you re wrap your ribs and do your exercises. Unless you'd prefer I left."

"You gonna at least cook me breakfast before you hurt me?" Murphy said jokingly.

"I could but I'm not a very good cook. It'd be better if I bought you breakfast. You want it before or after I hurt you?"

It took Murphy a bit to realize Bellamy was completely serious.

"Pain before pleasure. Let me shower first."

"Want me to help you with your ribs?"

"No I got it, thanks."

Murphy couldn't get over the gentleness of Bellamy's touch as he wrapped his ribs and once everything was done, Bellamy asked him where he wanted to eat.

Breakfast was quiet and awkward mainly because neither knew what to say so instead they ate.

"I'll come by after Octavia goes to bed to help you with your arm."

"Why then? You ashamed of me or something?"

Once the words left his mouth Murphy wished he could take them back.

"No it's just O's a bit nosy and I'd rather not get the third degree about all this. So I'll see you then."

Murphy looks at the clock that reads 12 a.m. just as there's a rap on the door.

"It's open." Murphy says as Bellamy walks in.

"Ready for me to inflict more pain?"

"As long as it's followed by pleasure."

Murphy can't believe he just said that. Thankfully Bellamy didn't respond and sits next the him on the couch to get started.

After 30 minutes Murphy couldn't take the pain anymore and tapped out.

"Are we done?"

"Almost. Just one more thing to do and you're all set."

"Seriously? What else...holy cold." Murphy jumps as Bellamy rubs some of the cream stuff on his shoulder.

"Sorry. Shoulda warned you."

"You think? Shit! When I said pleasure I didn't mean that."

Bellamy lets out a small chuckle and says "All done."

"Same time tomorrow, Warden?"

"It's a date." 

They both freeze, not believing the words that were just spoken. They remain silent for a while unsure of how to continue until Bellamy breaks the silence.

"Well I'm gonna go."

Murphy follows Bellamy to the door but neither move to open it.

"Is 8 okay in the morning or would you rather I can later?"

"Whenever you get up is fine. I'm not in a hurry to be hurt especially after I just wake up."

"Why don't you give me your number so I can call or text you before I come over and that way you'll be somewhat prepared for the pain."

"Give me your phone."

Bellamy reaches in his back pocket but stops and starts acting like he can't find it.

"Shit. I left it in my room. I can go grab it or..."

"It's fine. Let me grab a pen and paper to write it on."

Murphy could've put Bellamy's number in his phone and then called Bellamy's but he had a plan. Unbeknownst to him Bellamy also had a plan.

"Actually I lose paper so just write it on my hand or arm."

Murphy takes Bellamy's hand and positions himself so he's as close to him as he could get without actually touching him before writing his number on Bellamy's arm.

When he's finished Murphy turns to face Bellamy not realizing that he'd been intently watching him and they're now almost nose to nose. Murphy clears his throat as Bellamy turns him so they're facing each other.

Bellamy leans in and as their lips brush together, Murphy turns his head away and says "Um, you should go. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Right, yeah. I'll text you."

Bellamy leaves angry at himself for trying to kiss Murphy while Murphy is angry at himself for not letting him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is Wick's party.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wick's Christmas party, Finn makes another appearance and Murphy gets hammered.

It was 4 days until Christmas and the night of Wick's party. Murphy still hadn't decided if he was going or not but at least his shoulder and ribs were getting better. 

He could do the shoulder exercises without any help but he wasn't about to tell Bellamy that especially since it was the only physical contact they'd had since their almost kiss.

They kept things friendly but Bellamy was keeping his distance and a part of Murphy was glad he was.

About 5 minutes before Wick's party Murphy had finally decided he wasn't going when there was a knock on his door. The face that greeted him immediately reversed that decision.

"Hiya Murph." 

"Don't fucking call me that!"

Murphy thought about charging him again but in the end just clenched his fist.

"Chill Murph. I was hoping we could make up for our little..."

"We're not making up Finn. We're done. Besides I have a Christmas party to get to."

Murphy slams the door in Finn's face as he gathers his keys and jacket but when he opens it to leave Finn's still standing there.

"Since when do you do Christmas anything?" Finn questioned.

"Since I promised Wick." Murphy says as he pushes past him and out the apartment building.

Finn watches him leave with a devilish smile on his face and a plan.

In hindsight it wasn't a good decision but Murphy was really good at bad decisions and deciding to go to the party to avoid Finn was only one in a line of many that he'd make that night.

Once Murphy arrived at Wick's the first thing he did was grab a drink which was bad decision #2 because he kept drinking.

It didn't matter that everyone told him to stop or slow down and in the end Wick had to physically cut him off. 

However all it managed to do was piss him off and as a drunken Murphy made his way outside which was bad decision #3 he met Finn and his boyfriend Miller.

Their appearance led him to make bad decision #4 which was kissing Finn and punching Miller in the face. As a fight erupted between Murphy and Miller, the commotion of it drew most of the partygoers outside to watch.

Once Clarke and Octavia saw what was happening they ran inside to get Wick and Bellamy to help break up the fight which indirectly led to bad decisions #5 and 6.

When Bellamy pulls Murphy away from Miller he gets a right to the jaw and a left to the nose. He had to admit for such a skinny guy and being as drunk as he was Murphy still had some powerful punches.

Murphy swung at him a few more times before Bellamy is finally able to calm him down enough to get him inside.

Raven, Clarke and Octavia send the crowd back to the party while Wick took care of Finn and Miller with the help of Monty and Jasper.

Bad decision #5 came when Bellamy tried to clean the blood from Murphy's hands. Murphy pushes him into the door of the bathroom, punches him in the face and yells

"Quit! I don't need you to take care of me. I'm not you're fucking sister so just leave me the fuck alone!"

Bad decision #6 comes when Clarke tries to scold/talk to him about kissing Finn and she mentioned Mbege causing Murphy to push her down which prompted Octavia to get involved.

When Murphy gets on her face and calls get a stupid bitch, Bellamy knocks him out. Wick then carries him upstairs to sleep it off, hopefully until the party's over.

However an hour later he's awake and makes bad decision #7 when he stumbles down the stairs and heads to his car.

Murphy gets in the car and starts the engine but before he can drive away Bellamy gets in the passenger seat, cuts the car off and throws the keys out the window, leading to bad decision #8.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? How many times do I have to tell you too leave me alone before you finally get it?" Murphy yells as he gets outta the car and starts walking.

Bellamy follows him and grabs Murphy's arm causing him to punch Bellamy and say

"I fucking hate you Bellamy Blake and I wish I'd never fucking met you!"

Bellamy let's him go and as Murphy stumbles down the street, Bellamy goes inside to tell Wick hoping he can get him home safely.

After a lot of protesting from Raven, Wick leaves to find Murphy and finds him a block from his house vomiting on the sidewalk.

When Murphy's body finally stops wretching from the vomiting and dry heaves, he stands up to see Wick waiting for him.

"C'mon man, I'll take you home."

Murphy nods as Wick leads him to his car.

"Try not to puke in my car."

"No promises." Was Murphy's reply as Wick closes the door and gets in the driver's seat.

Most of the 20 minute ride was silence. Murphy wasn't speaking and as usual Wick wasn't asking questions. When Murphy finally speaks, Wick pulls over and cuts the car off.

"So how badly did I fuck things up this time?"

"Bad. You want the novel or the cliff notes?"

"Cliff notes."

"Well first you drank, a lot, then you kissed Finn and got in a fight with his boyfriend. Punched Bellamy a few times when he pulled you away from the fight and punched him a few more when he tired to clean your hands. Tired to drive away still drunk, thankfully Bellamy stopped you then you pushed Clarke down and got in Octavia's face."

"Is that all?"

"You also told Bellamy you hated him and wished you'd never met him."

"I may not be good at making friends but I'm da bomb at making enemies."

Wick lets out a small laugh and says "You must still be drunk cuz you just said da bomb."

"Probably. At least one good thing came outta all this."

"Enlighten me on what that would be."

"I've finally pushed Bellamy far enough away that I won't ruin his life with my presence."

"You never get it, Murphy. You never seem to understand why people are still in your life. Why they still care. It amazes me how someone so smart can be so stupid."

"Damn, I must've pissed you off too cuz this is the most we've ever talked about anything."

"Bellamy likes you. A lot actually and you're so wrapped up in your own self hatred to see that."

"I see it Wick. I do but he's better off without me."

Wick turns to Murphy, grabs him by the shirt and says "He's not Finn and he's not gonna do you like Finn did."

Wick releases him with sigh and continues speaking.

"Look just stop being in your own head so much and give Bellamy a chance. I'm nit moving this cat until you agree."

Murphy nods knowing there's no point in arguing with him and says "Can you take me home now."

Wick pulls into Murphy's space and cuts the car off again. Murphy braces himself for what's about to come hoping it's not too bad.

"I'll look for your keys in the morning. If I can't find em I'll have Raven get a car for you to use until I do, okay?"

"Sounds good. And Wick? Thanks and I'm sorry I ruined your party."

"Dude you made me go all serious and shit. You know I hate that but I'm not who you need to be apologizing to. Apologize to Clarke, Octavia and Bellamy. We're cool."

Murphy nods as he heads into his apartment building, glad he's got another key hidden to get into his apartment.

He doesn't even make it to the bed and instead collapses on the couch where he spends the rest of the night and half the next day.

He's woken up around 1pm by a loud knock on his door. He slowly gets up to answer it add they knock again. When he opens the door he's surprised to see Bellamy.

"Here's your keys." Bellamy says he tosses them to Murphy.

Murphy's too out of it to catch them and as Bellamy leaves they hit the floor. He's a bit hurt by the interaction and even though he knew it was for the best, a part of him was longing for any contact or connection with Bellamy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks again to everyone that likes my story.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologizes and Finn just refuses to go away.

It was 2 days until Christmas and Bellamy still wasn't talking to Murphy. It almost seemed like he was going outta his way to avoid him which hurt Murphy more than he expected it to.

Thankfully Clarke was still talking to him. In fact she called him about an hour after Bellamy returned his keys to make sure he was okay. She even apologized for mentioning Mbege but he knew Bellamy and Octavia wouldn't be that easy.

Murphy wanted to knock on their door but didn't know what he'd say. Although it probably wouldn't have mattered anyways considering the way Bellamy had been acting towards him since the party, he'd have likely gotten the door slammed in his face.

Murphy was used to rejection but everytime Bellamy walked past him, not even acknowledging his existence or turned and went the opposite direction when he saw him, it killed him.

It was like little pieces of his heart were being ripped out or a knife was being twisted into his back and he hated it.

He hated how this guy moved in outta the blue and made him feel things he'd worked so hard to not allow himself to feel in a long time.

Finn hurt him yes, but he was never fully invested in the relationship so when he did what he did, Murphy moved on and was fine.

Then along comes Bellamy Blake, who crashed into him like a hurricane or a tornado, destroying the barriers he'd put up since...no, he wasn't gonna think about him, not now.

Luckily Murphy was snapped out of his thoughts by a knock at the door. Unfortunately it was Finn looking for another fun night with him before Christmas.

Murphy shoots him down and slams the door which was probably the first and only good decision he'd every made.

However Finn wouldn't go away and Murphy blasted his stereo to drown out the sound of both his voice and him knocking.

About an hour and a half later he gets a text from Clarke telling him to answer the door so he turns the stereo off and answers the door.

"Can I come in?"

Murphy's both shocked and confused to see Octavia instead of Clarke.

"I asked you a question."

"Sorry. I thought you were Clarke." He says as he backs away from the door and motions for her to enter.

"I'm just here to say my peace. So I'm gonna talk, you're gonna listen and then I'm gonna leave. Okay?"

"Okay."

"My brother likes you so whatever issue or damage you have to get over, do it and let Bell in. Everyone is damaged Murphy and he's no expectation. If you'd let him in you may find you're not as wrong for him as you think. Just talk to him. Please? He's driving me crazy with his damn brooding. Text him, call him, knock on the damn door. I don't care as long as you do something cuz if not, I'm gonna fucking hurt him."

True to her word Octavia left as soon as she finished speaking, leaving Murphy to process what she'd said.

He thought about it the rest of the day and decided he was gonna text Bellamy before going to bed. After which he'd put his phone on silent so he wouldn't hear the text tone just in case it never came.

As Murphy lay in bed staring at the text he'd written, he was unable to hit send it. There was something that felt wrong about sending Bethany a text.

Bellamy deserved more than that and before he'd had a chance to realize what he'd done, he heard ringing. He had called Bellamy's phone.

Part of him prayed it went to voicemail while another part of him longed to hear Bellamy's voice on the other end but before either could happen Murphy hung up.

What Murphy didn't know was that Bellamy had been staring at him phone debating whether to let it go to voicemail or answer it.

Forty five minutes later Murphy calls Bellamy's phone and this time he wasn't hanging up.

After the fourth ring he heard the click of the phone being answered but was met with silence and checked his phone to make sure Bellamy hadn't hung up.

When Murphy heard breathing on the other end, he decided to say what he needed to say and get off the phone.

"I'm sorry. For, for everything. I'd like to be able to say I was just drunk but the truth is I wanted to, I needed to push you away. I told you I was poison but anyways I'm sorry."

Murphy waited for a response but it was still just silence and figured it was best to just hang up when Bellamy finally spoke.

"Do you really wish we'd never met?"

His voice was so low and broken sounding Murphy wasn't even sure he had spoken.

"What?"

"Do you really wish we'd never met?" He repeated a little louder but still broken.

"Part of me does but the other's not so sure."

"Do you hate me?"

Murphy lets out a labored sigh before speaking.

"Truthfully Bellamy I wish I could. It would make things so much easier but I can't. I have to go. I really am sorry."

Before Bellamy can reply Murphy hangs up the phone. Bellamy thinks about calling him back but doesn't wanna push him too much.

He knew Murphy didn't hate him and for tonight that was enough. However tomorrow, tomorrow was another day entirely and Bellamy Blake was stubborn and determined.

Bellamy wasn't ready to give up on Murphy just yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I'll get to what happened between Murphy and Mbege soon.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murphy gets a strange call.

Christmas Eve, Murphy hated the day almost as much as Christmas.

Clarke had been trying for as long as she'd known him to get him to spend Christmas Eve with her and her mom but he always declined.

There was just something about a happy family that didn't seem right to him, like he didn't deserve it. Happiness was something other people got to feel but not him and definitely not now.

Like clockwork his phone rang at exactly 10a.m. and he knew it was Clarke. It had become a Christmas Eve routine.

She'd call at exactly 10a.m. to invite him over, he'd decline, she'd protest and then say the invitation was there if he changed his mind.

He'd gotten so used to it that he didn't even look at his phone before answering it but maybe he should have.

"Is this Mr. John Murphy?" A professional sounding voice asks.

"Yes. Who's this?"

"I work for the post office. We have a package here for you that you need to pick up before noon."

"What do you mean package? From who?" Murphy asks confused.

"We received it 2 years ago today with specific instructions to give it to you on this exact date."

"Who's it from?"

"All's it says is JM. We can't hold it past Christmas so if you don't pick it up by noon it'll be disposed of."

They didn't wait for any sort of answer and hung up.

Murphy couldn't move, hell he wasn't even sure he was breathing. He was in shock. There was no way it was from him and even if it was, why now. 

Why 2 years later? Why?

As Murphy fell to his knees still holding his phone, he heard knocking but it sounded distant and the voice that followed seemed like a dream.

He didn't realize that Bellamy and Clarke had come inside his apartment nor did he know that Bellamy was on his knees in front of him trying to snap him out of his trance.

"Clarke, what do I do?" Bellamy asks panicky.

"He's catatonic. We need to snap him out of it somehow."

"What the fuck do you think I've been trying to do for the past hour?"

"Oh my God, just move." Octavia comes out of nowhere, pushes Bellamy outta the way and slaps Murphy across the face.

"What the hell O?"

"I thought it would snap him out of it, sorry."

"Sorry? Shit O, his lip is bleeding."

"I didn't. I thought. Clarke, what do we do?"

"I don't know. I don't. Shit!" Clarke says, starting to panic herself.

"You're the damn doctor, what do they usually do?" Octavia asks sounding worried too.

"They." Clarke started to speak but trailed off when she saw Bellamy kiss Murphy.

Octavia turns when she sees Clarke's expression and smiles as Murphy drops his phone and pushes Bellamy away as he slides backwards.

"What time is it?"

"Murphy?"

"The time, Clarke?"

"11:20. Why?"

"Shit! I gotta go." 

Murphy grabs his keys and runs out the door to his car. 

He knew they had questions, hell he had em too but they'd have to wait because he had to get to the post office.

Bellamy, Clarke and Octavia were left standing in Murphy's living room, staring out the open door very confused.

"Well that was interesting. I'm gonna go. I can't imagine Murphy will be very happy if we're still here when he returns." Clarke said as she left.

"C'mon Bell. We got things to do remember?"

He nods and follows her out, closing the door behind him. When he turns to face her, she has a huge smile on her face.

"What?"

"So how was it?" Octavia asks bumping Bellamy's arm with her shoulder.

"What? Are you? I'm not answering that."

"You gotta give me something. At least tell me if he's a good kisser or not."

"Would you just go." Bellamy smiles as he lightly pushes her down the hall to their apartment.

After Murphy picks up the package which he almost wasn't able to get in time, his phone rings.

Seeing it's Clarke, he answers it, more than a little curious as to what happened earlier and why he remembered nothing after the phone call at 10.

Clarke told him how Bellamy found him on his knees, holding his phone, staring at nothing and called her freaking out cuz he wasn't coming out of it.

And how even after she got there, he still wasn't coming out of it and the only thing that brought him out of his catatonic state was Bellamy kissing him.

Murphy couldn't believe it when Clarke told him that. Bellamy had kissed him, actually kissed him and he didn't even remember it.

Typical Murphy thought as he hung up the phone and headed back to his apartment with his package.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up is Christmas.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murphy breaks down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said this chapter would be Christmas but as I was writing it, it went in a different direction so sorry. Also may not have proofread that well.

Murphy sat on his bed staring at the package beside him afraid to open it. He knew it was from him because of the writing but he didn't understand how or why.

He must've picked it up and put it back down at least a dozen times because where part of him wanted to open it another part wouldn't allow it. 

In the end he left the room and the package to think.

As he paced back and forth from the kitchen to the living room he heard a faint knock on his door. So faint that had he not been in the living room he would've never heard it but he still waited until they knocked again to be certain.

However he didn't answer it. He wanted to be left alone but the person on the other side of the door wasn't going away.

"Go away!" Murphy yelled.

"Can't do that Murphy."

"Please Bellamy, just go away. I wanna be left alone."

"You're always alone. Aren't you tired of it? Don't you want someone to talk to, share things with?"

"It never works out for me. People never stay. They always leave and it's always in the worst way. You need to go."

"I'm not leaving Murphy so the way I see it you have 2 choices: either let me in our I stay outside your door and sing Christmas carols until you do."

"How is that an option? There's no part of that where I come out on top."

"That's kinda the point. So what's it gonna be?"

Murphy didn't answer and instead stood in the living room calling his bluff. He was positive Bellamy wouldn't stand outside his door singing but boy was he wrong.

Bellamy waited 5 minutes before busting out with a very off key version of Deck The Halls and when he finished that he sang Noel which sounded even more off key.

After he finished Noel Bellamy stopped singing and Murphy thought he'd given up but Bellamy never gives up.

It wasn't long before he stayed singing O Christmas Tree and before he finished the O part at the start of the song Murphy opened the door.

"What the hell? You're fucking crazy."

"I got you to open the door, didn't I?"

"You're an asshole."

"Maybe a little bit. Can I come in?"

"If I say no will you continue to sing? Cuz you're horrible at it."

"I definitely will and can promise you it'll get worse."

Murphy sighs and motions him inside before asking "Why are you here?"

"Wanted to make sure you were okay after what happened earlier."

"Why, what happened?"

"Clarke didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

Murphy feigned ignorance curious how Bellamy would explain things.

"Well Clarke said you were catatonic. She said it happens sometimes when someone experiences a huge tragedy, causing them to shut down. You had a blank stare and nothing helped. O even slapped you across the face which I'm really sorry about but it didn't work either."

"So what brought me back?"

"You don't remember?"

"No, why? Did something happen?"

"No I was just curious what you remembered cuz when you snapped out of it you left in a hurry. What was that about?"

Bellamy didn't know why he didn't tell Murphy about the kiss. Maybe it was because he didn't remember or he didn't wanna make things awkward but whatever the reason he thought it was best not to mention it.

"There was something I had to take care of it. No big deal."

"I think it is a big deal."

"Just drop it, please."

"Murphy?"

"Drop it Bellamy!" Murphy practically screamed

Bellamy figured it was best not to push him any further and changed the subject.

"So um O wanted me to invite you over for dinner on Christmas. It's just the two of us and we figured"

Murphy cuts him off before he can finish speaking.

"Thanks but no "

"I promise I'm not cooking. In fact O kinda kicked me out until she's done and she's a good cook, so consider it."

"Bellamy I appreciate the offer and I'm sure she is but I prefer to be alone.

"No one should be alone on Christmas, Murphy."

"Look you have a family and someone who loves you, that's what Christmas is about. I don't have that. It's just me. So spend Christmas with your sister and be happy and I'll be happy by myself."

"You're wrong Murphy. You have it, you just refuse to see it. It may not be a mother, father, brother or sister but you have a family and people that care about you. Clarke, Wick, Jasper and even Raven may not be your blood but you don't have to be blood to be a family and they're yours."

"No you're wrong. My family ended 2 years ago." Murphy says as he heads into the kitchen.

Bellamy follows and as he walks into the kitchen he sees the package on Murphy's bed through the open door.

"What's that?" Bellamy asks pointing at the package.

"Nothing." He says before closing the bedroom door and handing Bellamy a beer.

They sat at the kitchen table for about an hour talking and drinking before Murphy moved to the couch. Bellamy grabbed another beer, following Murphy to the couch.

They continued to sit in silence drinking as Murphy flipped through the channels for a few minutes until one of them speaks.

"So is Octavia gonna text you when your allowed back?"

"I hope so."

"What if she doesn't?"

"You worried about me Murphy? That's sweet." Bellamy teased.

"Shut up. It was just a question." He says as he gets up for another beer.

"Grab me one too, will ya? And I'll be fine, I gotta key."

They drank a few more betas before Bellamy finally noticing the time gets up to leave.

"Thanks for the beers and sorry bout the singing. I'm gonna go but think about coming over tomorrow. Later."

Murphy waves him off as Bellamy leaves and he stays on the couch, drinking a few more beers before getting ready for bed.

He started at the package on the bed a while before moving it to the top of the dresser, still unopened and lays on the bed.

He's about to fall asleep when the text tone goes off on his phone. He thinks about ignoring it but is curious as to who it is so he looks.

It's Bellamy saying he's got a problem to which Murphy says really now? A second later Murphy's phone rings and he answers knowing it's Bellamy.

"So you remember me saying I got a key, well it's in the apartment and I can't get in."

"Just call Octavia and have her open it."

"I can't. Her phone's off and she only does that when she's sleeping so I'm locked out."

"What after you gonna do?"

"Guess sleep outside the door till she wakes up."

"If the neighbors see you they may think you're a bum and call the cops. I'll unlock my door and you can crash on my couch."

Bellamy couldn't believe Murphy was offering up his couch and as his mind started running through different ways he could use this opportunity to his advantage Murphy spoke again.

"I'm unlocking the door now so just come on in and crash."

"Thanks Murphy."

"Yeah yeah." Murphy says unlocking the door and heading back to bed.

He hears the door open and Bellamy walk inside almost as soon as he lays back down.

"There's a blanket in the closet beside the bathroom you can use if you need it."

When Bellamy doesn't answer Murphy rolls over and goes to sleep.

Bellamy is woken up at about 2:30 by Murphy screaming.

"No! Mbege no. Don't leave me! You can't! You promised! Mbege! No!"

Bellamy runs into the room to find Murphy drenched in sweat still screaming and tries waking him.

When Bellamy finally manages to wake him Murphy positions himself in the upper corner of the bed, up against the wall wrapping his arms around his knees and pulling them into his chest while Bellamy sits at the foot of the bed.

As Murphy sits with his chin on his knees in silence he sees Bellamy staring at him and knows he pitied him. 

He feels tears starting to run down his cheeks and buries his face in his knees trying to hide his emotions even though Bellamy's already seen more than Murphy wanted him too.

Bellamy watches as Murphy's body shakes from the crying and moves to sit beside him. Murphy feels the bed move as he gets up and figures Bellamy was leaving until he felt something brush his side and knew it was him.

Bellamy wasn't sure what to do or say. He didn't wanna piss Murphy off but he wanted to comfort him, make him feel better somehow, he just wasn't sure how to do it.

In the end Bellamy just put his arm around Murphy and pulled him close.

Murphy couldn't believe this was happening. First the dream about his mom, then Mbege and now he was crying with Bellamy beside him which was worse.

He was blubbering like a baby and Bellamy was just sitting there. It was pathetic. He was pathetic and weak.

He was barely holding it together as it was and when Bellamy put his arm around him, he lost it. 

As Murphy's sobs became more forceful and less controlled Bellamy did what he used to do when Octavia cried and started humming a song his mother used to hum to get him to sleep.

When Murphy finally stopped crying Bellamy risked asking him about what happened.

"Mbege used to live with you didn't he? He was the one you lost, the one, he was your family, right?"

"He was everything." Murphy said so quiet and broken that Bellamy pulled him closer.

"You don't have to talk about him. I know how hard it is to lose someone."

Murphy knew he was being sincere but Bellamy couldn't possibly understand. No one understood but him and when he spoke there was a harshness in his voice that Murphy couldn't help.

"Really? You know how hard it is to lose your dad, mom, lover and best friend knowing you're the reason they're dead. Because you're the one who killed them. Do you? Huh Bellamy, do you?"

"Murphy I..."

"I didn't think so. When I told you I ruined everything I touched I wasn't lying and if you stick around long enough I'll kill you too. It's the only thing I'm good at."

"Murphy look at me. Murphy? Look at me."

"Just go away Bellamy and leave me alone. It's what I deserve."

"No you don't. Now will you look at me? Please?"

Murphy shook his head no and when he felt Bellamy's arm no longer around him he was both relieved and disappointed but it didn't last long.

Suddenly Bellamy grabbed both sides of his face and pulled it up to look at him. Murphy tried pulling away but Bellamy hold was too strong. "That package is from him isn't it?" You're afraid to open it, I get that but you have to open it Murphy. There's a reason this was sent to you now abd you need to find out why but the only way to do that is to open it." "I don't wanna know. I don't care what's in it." "Yes you do because if you didn't it wouldn't be here nor would you be in this state. If you want someone with you when you open it, I'm sure Wick or Clarke would be glad to..." "I don't want them with me." Said Murphy cutting him off. "Well you should have someone with you. Whatever's in there I don't think you should open it alone." Bellamy's phone rings suddenly and he removes his hands from Murphy's face to answer it as he leaves the room. Murphy puts his forehead back on his knees somewhat thankful he's gone but can still feel the first of Bellamy's touch on his face. When Bellamy sits back on the bed beside him Murphy doesn't bother lifting his head. "That was O. She said the door was open and she was sorry." "Guess you'll be leaving now." Murphy said with his head still on his knees. "I don't have to. I can stay. If you want." Murphy turns his head to face Bellamy but stays silent. Bellamy touches Murphy's face, lightly rubbing his cheek with his thumb and says "Do you want me to stay?" Murphy stares at Bellamy uncertain. He wants him to stay but knows it's better if he doesn't so he stays silent hoping he'll leave and it works, sort of. Bellamy takes Murphy's silence as his cue to leave but as he does he runs his hand and thumb down Murphy's cheek, across his lips and down his hands. However when Bellamy turns to leave Murphy grabs his hand. "Please don't leave me. I'll tell you anything you wanna know just don't leave me." Bellamy sits back down on the bed, puts his arm around Murphy and says "I won't." And when Bellamy pulls Murphy closer, he leans into him and places his forehead on the side of Bellamy's neck. Bellamy smiles and says "Whenever you're ready." A few minutes later Murphy sighs and says "What do you wanna know?" "Where are you're parents? What happened to them?" "My dad was in a bad car accident and died in the hospital Christmas morning. My mom, she drank herself death and I found her Christmas morning in a pool of her own vomit in front of the tree." "Damn. No wonder you hate Christmas. I never knew my father or O's and neither does she. Our mom died last year but it's always been me and her. I took care of her. I had too." "She's lucky she has someone like you." "I don't she sees it that way. So what happened to Mbege?" "Went to sleep Christmas Eve and woke up Christmas morning, he was gone. That's why that package freaks me out so much. Why I'm so afraid to open it. He's dead and I've got a package from him, in his handwriting. Would you open it?" "I don't know. Maybe but I'm nit the one who got it, you did. So the real question is do you want to open it?" "Will you be here with me when I do?" "If that's what you want then yeah I'll be here with you." "Can it wait until tomorrow? I'm kinda beat." "Whatever you want Murphy, whatever you want." "That's a dangerous thing to say to me Bellamy Blake." "Probably but I'm not worried." "Maybe you should be." Bethany starts to reply but stops when he hears the calm of Murphy's breathing and the steady rise and fall of his chest indicating he was asleep. Bellamy slowly slides down in the bed, careful not to wake Murphy and soon falls asleep himself. When Murphy wakes up, he's wrapped in Bellamy's arms and as he moves slightly, Bellamy pulls him closer. Murphy smiles, wondering how he had managed to get this gorgeous man to show the slightest bit of interest in him as he falls back asleep listening to Bellamy's heartbeat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's long. Hope you liked this chapter cuz it's kinda a filter type chapter. Next chapter is Christmas and then new year's.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas morning.

Murphy wakes up to an empty bed and wonders if last night actually happened or was a very vivid dream.

He stares at the unopened package on his nightstand for a bit before rolling over and looking at the ceiling debating getting up or not. 

A minute or so later he hears his apartment door open and what sounds like someone walking in. He hopes it's someone he knows but just in case he grabs the knife he keeps in the nightstand and cautiously steps out of his bedroom.

As Murphy makes his way into the kitchen he sees bags sitting on the table. Wondering what's inside he sits the knife down to look but before he can open one, he hears footsteps coming towards the kitchen and quickly grabs his knife again.

However when Bellamy rounds the corner into the kitchen Murphy freezes, whether it's from shock or relief he's not sure but he looks at him in disbelief.

"Morning. I didn't wake you, did I? I brought you breakfast. I wasn't really sure what you liked so I just based it off what you got at that restaurant we went to and.."

Bellamy pauses as he notices the knife in Murphy's hand and says

"You gonna use that thing or just stand there holding it?"

Murphy looks down at the knife finally realizing he's still holding it and says

"Yeah um sorry. I just...I. When my bed was empty I thought that last night was a really good dream and I...wait, did last night happen?"

"If you're wondering if you fell asleep in my arms then yes, it actually happened."

"So the dream, the crying, everything, it all happened? Then you saw, I was, Dammit! You weren't, no one was, fuck!"

Murphy sits at the table and buries his face in his hands mortified that Bellamy had seen all of that.

He knew too much. Too many things he could use against him. Things no one else knew and yet for some reason he stayed and had even come back.

It was something that Murphy didn't quite understand and wondered if he had a complex or was just stupidly stubborn.

Before Murphy could think about it further Bellamy takes both Murphy's hands in his, pulling them from his face and says

"No one will ever know. I'll never tell anyone about any of it, not even O. I swear Murphy."

Murphy looks into his eyes and sees something he hadn't seen in a long time and knows Bellamy's being truthful. 

He also notices that Bellamy still has a hold of his hands but before he can fully revel in the fact that he still wanted to touch him Bellamy's phone rings.

"Go ahead and eat before it gets cold. I'll be right back." He says as he leaves the apartment to answer it.

Murphy digs through the bags in shock at the fact that Bellamy had paid enough attention to what he'd ordered at the restaurant to duplicate it almost perfectly.

Finn couldn't even do that after being together a year. Hell he was lucky if Finn remembered when he was working let alone how he liked his eggs.

Murphy was so lost in thought that he didn't even know Bellamy had come back inside until he spoke.

"Did I get everything right or at least close?"

"Well the..."

"What did I fuck up? I tried to remember exactly what you had and I..."

Bellamy stopped talking when Murphy started laughing.

It was something he hadn't done in years and it was a strange feeling but the way Bellamy looked so flustered about screwing up was funny and dare he say it, adorable.

"Are you laughing at me? Why are you laughing at me?"

"You're adorable when you're flustered and it's just that there's no syrup for my pancakes. Their syrup is the best and you can..."

"Only get it there, I know. I remembered that. I did but I also remembered you saying you wished they'd bring it to you warm so I put it in the microwave for you." 

Bellamy pulls a bottle of syrup out of the microwave and continues talking.

"I put it in too long and left it in there to cool off which means I didn't fuck up and you owe me an apology."

"Guess you didn't and I do but you're not getting one, not yet anyways." Murphy says with a smile as he pours the warm syrup over his pancakes and starts eating.

Bellamy sits across from him but instead of eating he stares at him which after a while annoys Murphy.

"What?"

"So you think I'm adorable huh?"

"Shut up. What did Octavia want?" Murphy asked quickly changing the subject.

"What makes you so sure it was her and not someone else?"

"She has her own ringtone whereas everyone else has the same generic one."

"Well not everyone." Bellamy said with a smile impressed that Murphy paid enough attention to know that.

"Really? So who else is lucky enough to get their own special ringtone from Bellamy Blake?"

"It's only one other person but I think they're pretty special and deserve their own one."

"Well now. Tell me do I know this person or are they an old friend?"

"You definitely know them and hopefully we'll be more than friends."

"If you bring them breakfast like this I'm sure it won't be long until they're putty in your hands."

"I hope so but they're kinda difficult."

"Let me know if it works out for you or not, will ya?I'm gonna hop in the shower."

"Don't worry Murphy, you'll be the first to know." Bellamy says as Murphy heads to the bathroom.

Murphy had a feeling Bellamy was talking about him but he wasn't getting his hopes up. After all he was a very good looking guy who Murphy was sure could have anyone he wanted so why would he want someone so damaged.

Murphy sits on his bed after his shower half dressed and staring at the box on the nightstand when Bellamy enters the room.

"I cleaned everything up and took the trash out for you. I'm gonna run home and shower real quick unless you want me to stay."

"Go shower. You smell."

"Like you didn't. I'll come back afterwards cuz I know O won't let me stay."

"Whatever. Come back or don't, it's fine either way."

Murphy had fallen back into his defensive ways thinking that Bellamy was only coming back cuz he had nowhere else to go and could almost see the uncertainty etched on Bellamy's face as he left.

Murphy knew he shouldn't have been so indifferent about him coming back or not but the things that man was doing to him and the way with just one look Murphy wanted to tell him everything was too much too soon.

He had to keep him at arms length so when the betrayal came he wouldn't be so broken or hurt.

Half an hour later there was a knock on Murphy's door which he didn't answer, hoping they'd go away but they didn't and just walked into his apartment.

He wasn't shocked when he looked up to see Bellamy leaning against the doorway of his bedroom looking at him.

"You gonna open it or are you still unsure?"

"Is that the only reason you came back?"

"Not really. I'm locked out remember and it's Christmas so there's no where else to go. Besides I told you I'd be with you when you opened it so here I am."

"How sickeningly noble of you."

"You gonna open it or not? Cuz I can always leave."

"So leave. I'm not stopping you nor do I need you here. I can do this without you."

"Then fucking do it!" Bellamy said as he leaves the room and Murphy grabs the package.

Murphy waited until he heard his door open and close before attempting to cut it open because he wanted to be sure Bellamy was gone.

Murphy'd already broken down once in front of him and he'd be damned if he did it again. However, everytime he put the knife close to package his hand started trembling and he had to pull away.

Murphy had no idea that Bellamy had never left and had been watching him the whole time just out of sight until he walked into the room.

As Murphy tried to open the box for what seemed like the hundredth time, Bellamy took his trembling hand in his own and helped him cut the box open before taking the knife and placing it on the nightstand.

Bellamy then turned to leave but Murphy stopped him.

"Stay. Please? If I can't open the stupid box without help I'm pretty sure I won't be able to look at what's inside."

Bellamy doesn't say a word as he sits on the bed beside Murphy. Murphy tries to look inside but when he hesitates, he feels Bellamy's fingers intertwine with his as he says

"I'm right here, whenever you're ready."

Murphy nods, takes a deep breath and looks inside.

There's an envelop marked read first and a wrapped present. He places the envelop on the bed and the box back on the nightstand before letting go of Bellamy's hand to open the envelop.

When he sees a letter written in Mbege's handwriting he places it back on the bed.

"I can't do this Bellamy. I can't. I'm not ready for this."

Bellamy grabs Murphy's hand, interlacing their fingers again and says

"You can. You have too. You owe it to Mbege to read his last words. He wrote em for you Murphy so read em for him."

Murphy picks up the letter and starts reading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I ended this chapter on a bit of a cliffhanger but next chapter is the letter.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murphy reads Mbege's letter and finally learns the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't proofread this before posting it so sorry for the mistakes.

John,

If you're reading this now then I'm dead and if everything went as I instructed it should be Christmas 2014. I know you hate presents but trust me when I say the one that accompanies this letter is worth opening. I know you have questions and I hope I answer them but let's start with the one currently running through your mind. Why now? Why send this 2 years after my death?  
I wanted you to open it. I know you John and had this arrived at any other time you would've thrown it away without a second thought. Now maybe it's not 2014 or even Christmas but at least you're reading this and now to get to the point of this letter. Remember that party we went to before your Dad's accident? Well I did something that night, something I regret, something that made me sick.  
I know you remember how I'd be angry or depressed one minute and happy or out of it the next. I also know you knew what I was doing and if it hadn't been for you things would've gotten worse sober than they did. All those nights we fought and I'd leave I know you knew where I was going but it was never about you.  
You saved me John, you did and because of you my last years on this earth were the best I ever had. After your Mom died I started using more because I didn't know how to make your pain go away and I knew you were in pain. You could fool everyone, including yourself but you could never fool me. I know now that just the fact that I was there was enough but it's too late.  
When I got really sick the winter of 2011 and went to see Abby she finds this thing in my brain. Apparently the years of me using had caused permanent damage and my body was shutting down slowly. In short I was dying. Both her and Clarke begged me to tell you but you'd already lost so much, I couldn't. I couldn't have you sitting in the hospital watching me die either do I went out on my own terms.  
The way I wanted too which was in bed beside you, the man I loved. Ask Abby and Clarke about the details. They know and don't be mad at them, please. They were only doing what I wanted. Now that that's outta the way it's time to explain the present. Please open it. I wanted to give it to you so many times but the fact that I was dying stopped me.  
You deserve to be happy John and you deserve to have someone who will love you as much as I do, as I did. So when you find someone who's willing to stay through the bad and bring you out of it, don't push them away. You're worth someone's love and even if you haven't found them yet, you will because there can only be so much bad in a person's life before there's nothing but good.  
I love you John Murphy. You were my heart and soul. Never forget that and find someone who makes you happy all the time and not just for a little while.  
John

Murphy couldn't stop the tears from falling. Couldn't stop the feeling that his heart was being crushed inside his chest our the fact that he could barely breathe. 

He was having a panic attack. He knew it but couldn't stop it. Luckily Bellamy knew exactly what to do and kissed him.

It happened so fast that Murphy wasn't even sure it was happening and then it stopped. Bellamy pulled away as Murphy's breathing returned to normal but still held his hand.

"You okay?" Bellamy asks full of concern as he wipes the still falling tears from Murphy's cheek with his free hand.

"I'm not sure. I have to do something. I need to go but I'll be back. Thank you. For you know, everything. Will you be here when I get back?"

"If it's before 2 yeah but after I'll be home eating O's dinner. You're welcome to come join us."

"I'll think about it." Murphy says as he puts his shirt on before leaving the apartment.

Murphy knocks on Clarke's door a few times before someone opens it and as soon as they do, he wastes no time getting to the point.

"How did Mbege really die? What actually happened to him?"

"Murphy I..." Abby begins to say before being cut off.

"Tell me Abby!" Murphy shouted which brought Clarke to the door.

"Don't yell at her!"

"Stuff it Clarke! I know the two of you covered up the cause of his death and I wanna know what it really was."

They were both silent as they stared at him which caused him to scream

"Tell me Dammit!"

"He had a brain aneurysm caused by drug use. We told him if he used one more time he ran the risk of death but he wanted to go on his own terms so he used again." 

Clarke interjects saying 

"He never wanted it to be on Christmas. He tried to make sure it was before but it didn't work out that way and when he fell asleep with you that night he had every intention of waking up with you the next morning."

"He told us to make sure you never knew the truth until you asked us about it so..."

Murphy interrupts her having heard enough.

"So you let me think he killed himself so he didn't have to be with me anymore? Thanks I really appreciate it."

"Murphy I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you but Mbege made me..."

"Don't! Don't say his name, Clarke. You don't get too, not after this."

"He did it for you. So you wouldn't have to go through the pain of watching him die slowly."

"Bullshit! He did it for himself. He took the easy way out not carrying how finding him dead beside me was gonna impact me! At least you were a good friend to one of us, Clarke, too bad it's the one who's dead."

Murphy walks away not waiting for a response leaving Clarke in tears and Abby comforting her.

Murphy had been driving for nearly an hour not wanting to go home yet when he find himself at the cemetery. He wasn't sure why he'd ended up here but got out and made his way to Mbege's grave.

He hadn't set foot in a cemetery of any kind since Mbege's death, real or fake but he was here so maybe it was time.

Approaching the grave he noticed the flowers and the fact that someone had been keeping it clean. Judging from the rest of the graves it wasn't the grounds keeper.

He stood there in silence not knowing what to say but as he kneels down and touches the tombstone, the words just pour out.

After he finished yelling and screaming at him, Murphy told him everything that had happened since his death.

He told him all about Finn, even Bellamy and as he spoke he almost felt like a weight was being lifted. It was as if maybe, just maybe everything was gonna be okay.

Murphy's phone vibrated in his pocket and as he looks at it he cracks a small smile. It was Bellamy letting him know he was going to eat and wondered if he was coming.

He knew he'd end up going but wasn't telling Bellamy that so he simply said "Still thinking but probably not. Thanks though."

At 2:30 Murphy knocked on Bellamy's door and Octavia answered. She smiled when she saw him and said

"Hey Bell, I think it's for you."

She lets Murphy in and closes the door as she heads back into the kitchen. Bellamy steps into the living room and freezes when he sees Murphy standing there.

"I'm not too late for dinner, am I?"

Bellamy stares at Murphy silence prompting Octavia to hit him in the back of the head with a roll, snapping out of it.

"Not at all. There's plenty of food."

Murphy follows him into the kitchen but isn't sure if he should sure sit beside Octavia or Bellamy.

Of course Octavia in all of her subtly grabs a plate and silverware before sitting it down next to Bellamy and says

"Sit, eat and no touching under the table."

Bellamy kicks her under the table and she throws another roll at his head causing Murphy to snicker a bit before being hit by a roll as well.

Murphy's not really sure if any of them ate any rolls or if there was eating of any kind, all he knew is that by the time it was all over the three of them as well as the living room and kitchen were covered in food and the only thing still intact was the ham.

As Murphy helped then clean the mess he smiled cuz it had been a very long time since he could say he'd actually enjoyed Christmas or Christmas dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a heavy kind of chapter, sorry. Next up is New Year's Eve.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arguments, makeups and a challenge.

"So Bellamy tells me you're the cook in the family. I'm sure the food was delicious. Sorry I didn't get to taste any of it but at least you still have the ham." 

Murphy said while helping clean up.

"Yeah well he's full of shit and I doubt it. The rolls were hard, potatoes lumpy and I don't even wanna know how I screwed up the ham but I know I did. However I appreciate your compliment but the truth is Bell's the cook not me. I would've starved otherwise."

"Really? Why'd he tell me he was a terrible cook and you kick him out while you were cooking?"

"He doesn't just cook for anyone. He doesn't like people knowing so if he cooks for you consider yourself special. I kicked him out cuz he nit picks and hovers. He stands over me while I'm cooking and tries adding things and it's annoying. It makes me wanna hit him with a damn frying pan. Please don't tell him I told you about him being a good cook, he'd kill me."

"Don't worry, I won't say a word."

"Won't say a word about what? You two taking about me?"

Bellamy says walking into the kitchen where they were.

"Yes Bell as a matter of fact we were because every conversation I have centers around you."

Octavia shot back without hesitation.

"Ha ha ha. You're funny. You see the shit I have to put up with on a daily basis. It's exhausting."

Bellamy answers back as Octavia picks up a roll from the floor and throws it at him.

"Hey we're supposed to be cleaning up the mess, not creating another one."

"Maybe if you weren't such an ass I wouldn't have too."

Before another food fight broke out Murphy decided it was time to leave.

"Well it's been fun, honestly but I have potatoes in places I shouldn't and it's getting uncomfortable so I'm gonna shower. Thanks again for dinner."

As soon as Murphy leaves Octavia smacks Bellamy in the back of the head.

"Ow! Damn O, what the hell was that for?"

"You spend all night with him and you don't even offer to help him with his mashed potato problem. What's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you? Asking me something like that, how are we even related? I'm taking things slow, okay."

"If you go any damn slower you'd be a fucking sloth. Make a move Bell. A move that forces a response."

"I'm working on, wait why am I talking to you about this? I'm not having this conversation with you, I'm taking a shower."

Almost 2 hours later Murphy gets out of the shower, feeling that he's gotten all the food off and then his phone rings. He ignores it hoping they'll get the point but it keeps ringing so he answers it.

"What the hell did you do to Clarke? It's Christmas Murphy, how the hell can you be so cruel?"

Yelled a very angry Raven over the phone.

"You know what Raven for once this is none of your damn business. What happened is between me and Clarke so take the damn hint of her not telling you and keep your bossy ass nose outta things that don't fucking concern you!"

Murphy doesn't wait for her to reply and hangs up the phone but when Raven calls back he cuts his phone off and plops down on his bed.

As he lays there he replays the conversation he had with Clarke and Abby, thinking maybe he was a bit harsh. Yes they hid a huge thing from him but would things have been different if he'd known the truth.

The fact remained Mbege made his choice and maybe watching him die slowly would have been worse but in making his choice he had denied Murphy the chance to make one which was the real issue.

Murphy wasn't mad at Clarke he was mad at Mbege for not telling him or including him in his decision. He wasn't sure what he'd have done or said but Mbege should've given him the opportunity. 

Suddenly there's a very loud and angry sounding knock on his door. Murphy sighs before slowly rolling outta bed, still in his boxers and making his way to the door.

"Go away Raven. I'm done talking to you."

"Dude it's Wick, open the door."

Murphy opens the door, letting him in.

"Dude out some damn clothes on."

"Hey you came knocking on my door so you gotta deal with all this. Why you here anyways?"

"Raven was pissed when I took your side about her needing to stay outta shit and she kicked me out."

"Thanks and sorry."

"Not your fault. She'll get over it. I'm sure once she's cooled down she'll be fine."

"And if not?"

"I'm hoping you'll help a buddy out and let me crash on your couch."

"You know where the blanket is. So minus this part, how was your Christmas?"

"Good. Yours?"

"Surprisingly fun. It started off like Christmas always does for me but then I had dinner with Octavia and Bellamy which was interesting to say the least."

"Okay now I'm intrigued."

"Lets just say I had to spend nearly 2 hours in the shower in order to get all the food off myself."

"Hell, that sounds like my kinda dinner. Invite me next time will ya?"

"I'll see what I can do."

"Just so you know you're invited to my New Year's Eve party but it may take a while to text you the details cuz Raven's gonna need some convincing to be okay with you coming."

"It's cool. I may not even come anyways."

They watched tv and talked until Wick got a text from Raven telling him to come home.

"Well I'm out. I'll see you later and turn on your phone. Someone's been trying to reach you."

Murphy does what he says and as soon as his phone comes on, Clarke's name comes across the screen.

He answers and as soon as Clarke hears his voice she goes on a huge rant about how he had no right to say those things to her and she was consistently the only person who stuck by him through everything he's screwed up besides Wick but he didn't count right now.

She kept going for at least 20 minutes while Murphy listened in silence before she finally stopped.

"Well aren't you gonna say something?"

"So you mean I get to talk now?"

"God dammit Murphy! How can you be so..."

"You're right Clarke. About all of it and I'm sorry. I was wrong."

"Do what?"

Clarke was stunned. She'd never heard him say he was wrong. He'd apologized yes but to say he was wrong just didn't happen.

"I wasn't really mad at you or Abby, I was mad at Mbege. Mad because he didn't tell me or include me in his decision in anyway."

"He was worried you'd try and stop him. The truth is his mind was set and nothing was gonna change it, not even you."

"I know and I don't know what I would've done but he could've at least given me the chance to figure it out. That's what kills me more than anything and makes me feel like he's, like I wasn't..."

"Murphy he loved you, so much. Don't ever for a second doubt that. Why don't you come over and have dinner with me and my mom."

"Does that mean you forgive me?"

"That depends on if you're coming to dinner or not."

"I would but I already ate. Octavia and Bellamy invited me over for dinner with them and I went."

"Really? Okay but you can still come over and take a plate home."

"Thanks but honestly Clarke I'm drained. This whole thing with Mbege and Christmas in general had got me spent so I'm just gonna stay home."

"In that case I'll talk to you later. Oh and Murphy, I accept your apology."

Murphy got off the phone and laid his head back on the couch trying to decide if he felt like getting up to get a beer when someone knocked on his door.

"Go away!" Murphy said, not wanting to move our be bothered.

"I would but if I come back with this ham Octavia sent over I'm afraid she'll throw it back in my face."

Murphy smirked a bit at his irrational but completely justified fear of his sister and said

"It's open. Just sit that in the fridge and grab me a beer while you're in there."

He couldn't help but smile as Bellamy not only grabbed him a beer but opened it before handing it to him.

"What are you smiling about?" Bellamy asked as he sat down next to Murphy.

"Nothing. I just never pegged you for a bitch."

"Excuse me?"

"You got me a beer and opened it. Only bitches do that so you must be a bitch."

"Really? Well just remember only one of us has cried so who's the bitch now?"

"Oh, you got jokes. I'm impressed but just remember I give as good as I get and I've had years of practice cutting people down."

"I love a challenge."

"We'll see about that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up is New Year's Eve.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wick's New Year's Eve party and Finn's return.

In the days after Christmas leading up to New Year's Eve Bellamy and Murphy spent quite a bit of time together. So much time in fact that people assumed they were actually together when in reality they weren't.

Everytime one of them would start to make a definitive move, the other would pull away and Murphy never initiated the contact.

It was almost as if Bellamy was afraid that if he came right out and told Murphy how he felt or showed him that Murphy would leave which was what he had done every time Bellamy had kissed him before.

Not to mention the whole thing with Mbege's letter which Bellamy never asked about but knew enough to know that they loved each other and figured if and when Murphy was ready to talk he would.

Murphy was glad Bellamy didn't ask about the letter or Mbege. It wasn't that he didn't want to tell him, it just felt wrong somehow telling someone who could potentially be something about the one person who was everything.

Then there was the present that still remained unopened on his nightstand. He wasn't sure why but for some reason everytime he tried opening it he couldn't, so he just left it alone.

The day before New Year's Eve Murphy gets a text from Wick yelling him that Raven's cool with him coming to the party as long as he goes easy on the alcohol which considering what happened at the last party wasn't gonna be a problem, if he even decided to go.

In the end he figured he'd show up long enough to ring in the New Year and then leave but of course when it comes to Murphy things never go as planned.

Everything is fine and he's even having fun hanging with Wick and talking to Bellamy until Finn shows up. 

"What's he doing here?" Clarke questioned Wick.

"How the hell should I know? I didn't invite him."

"Then how did he get here?"

"I'd assume he drove. Damn Clarke everyone knows I throw this party and it's not like it's invite only."

"Well do something about it."

"Like what exactly?"

"Oh my God, you're fucking hopeless. I'm getting Raven. She's the man in your relationship anyways."

"I'd be offended if it wasn't true."

Clarke throws up her hands and leaves to find Raven.

As soon as Murphy sees Finn he knows it's time to leave but Finn had other ideas and refused to let him.

When Murphy tries pushing past Finn, he grabs his arm, pulls him into him and tries to kiss him. 

Murphy shoves Finn to the ground and says

"How many fucking times do I have to say I'm done before you'll leave me the hell alone? You make my skin crawl and I want nothing to do with you."

And with that being said Murphy walks away. Wick, Raven and Clarke stand there in shock watching Murphy leave because none of then had ever known him to walk away from a potential fight, ever.

Finn gets up to follow him but is stopped by Bellamy.

"Why don't you take the hint and just leave. He's obviously not putting up with your shit anymore."

"And just who the hell do you think you are?"

"Just a friend giving you some friendly advice, leave Murphy alone."

"And if I don't?"

"Just take the hint and go."

"Fuck you! You think you're better than me, well you're not. I know what makes him beg for more and trust me when I say he'll come back to me."

"Trust me when I say he won't cuz he screams my name now and begs me for more."

Suddenly Finn's fist collides with Bellamy's face and it's on. Finn only gets one more hit in after that and it was only because Wick, Jasper and Monty were holding Bellamy back.

When it was all over with Bellamy had a busted lip and what would eventually be a black eye whereas Finn had to be helped off of Wick's property by Miller.

Once Finn was gone Bellamy made sure Octavia had a ride home before leaving to find Murphy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all of you who like this story and my writing, it means a lot.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New Year's Eve fun continues.

About 45 minutes before the New Year Murphy gets a text from Bellamy.

"Where you at?"

"Out on my balcony, why?"

"Mind if I join you?"

"Door's open."

Murphy immediately hears his door open and the sound of footsteps approaching but doesn't turn around.

Bellamy stands beside him but doesn't speak and after a while Murphy breaks the silence.

""Why aren't you still at the party?"

As he spoke Bellamy puts his hands on the railing and out the corner of his eye Murphy sees they're bloody.

"And who'd you hit?"

"I saw what happened with you and Finn and wanted to make sure you were okay. I hit Finn's face a couple times."

"Well, now I wish I would've stayed. Bet that would've been entertaining to see. Just outta curiosity, why?"

"I told him to back off and he told me that you'd be back begging him for more so I kinda told him that you scream my name and beg me for more now. Hope you're not mad at me."

"Wow. Impressive. I'm not mad but just so you know, you'd be the one screaming my name and begging me for more."

"You sure about that?"

Neither could hide the smile that came across both their faces at the thought of the obvious challenge that had just been suggested.

"So what's the deal with you and Finn anyways?"

"We were together almost a year but it wasn't a good relationship. It wasn't like either of us loved each other cuz we didn't and after a while it got toxic. He'd use things he knew about me against me and we broke up when I found him in my bed, in my place with Miller on Christmas so I moved here."

"So why keep going back? I mean it's obvious he's used you for when he gets bored with Miller."

"Well if that's the case, you should be asking him why he comes back to me."

"Probably but you let him knowing what it is and I wanna know why."

"Because I wasn't alone. The time I spent with him I was wanted even if it was just sex."

"Why'd you walk away? What made you finally be done with him?"

"I met you."

Murphy could feel Bellamy looking at him as he stared at the stars but didn't elaborate further. While they stand there they can hear the minute countdown to the New Year starting on a neighbor's tv. 

Suddenly Bellamy grabs Murphy's hand and turns him around so they're face to face. The countdown hits 30 when Bellamy moves his hand to Murphy's waist, snaking it up his shirt and across his back.

At 20 Bellamy pulls Murphy towards him. It hits 10 as Bellamy puts his other hand around the back of Murphy's neck, pulling him closer and at 1 their lips crash together.

Murphy hesitates in reciprocating but as Bellamy starts to pull away, he wraps his arms around Bellamy's neck and pulls him closer.

When he does Bellamy deepens the kiss not caring about the slight pain in his lip and moves his hand up through Murphy's hair.

Murphy does the same to him, not even bothered by the small metallic taste from Bellamy's busted lip as their tongues connect.

When they finally break apart both are out of breath but neither lets go of the other and this time Murphy didn't run away.

"Happy New Year." Bellamy says as he places his forehead to Murphy's.

"Right now it's definitely a very happy New Year."

The rest of the night is kind of a blur for Murphy and all's he knows is that when they both finally fell asleep it was wrapped in each other's arms.

When Murphy wakes up his bed is once again empty but as he enters the kitchen he can't help but smile at what he sees. Bellamy is shirtless and cooking breakfast.

Murphy watches in silence for a second before he speaks.

"I thought you couldn't cook."

"To my credit I only said I wasn't very good, I never said I couldn't. I cook but only for certain people."

"Is this the same kinda certain people who are privileged enough to have their own ringtone cuz I'm sure that's a pretty small list?"

"There's only two people on it actually and one's Octavia."

"We talking about their own ringtone or you cooking for them?"

"Ringtone. I've cooked for a couple other people, both exes."

"So how'd things work out with that guy you were hoping would be more than friends?"

"Not sure yet."

"What's his problem? He has his own ringtone so, wait have you cooked for him yet cuz I'm sure that would do it."

"Wow. I think you've been hanging out with O too much cuz that sounded exactly like something she'd say. If you must know, I have cooked for him but he doesn't know I did."

"Well there's your problem, you don't cook for someone and not tell them. It's just wrong. Now who is this guy so I can tell him what a huge mistake he's making?"

"Murphy I...?"

"I'm serious Bellamy, who is it? Cuz he's an idiot who need to..."

"Oh my God Murphy it's you okay! You're the guy I've cooked for. The one who has his own ringtone and the one I want to be more than friends. It's been you since the first time I saw you and..."

Murphy had closed the space between them while Bellamy had been talking without him noticing until Murphy's lips were on his and then it was over.

Murphy pulls away but runs his fingers up and through the back of Bellamy's hair, lightly pulling it on the way back down and says

"I knew you know. I knew the whole time you were talking about me, I was just waiting for you to say it."

"You're an ass, you know that?"

"Yeah but you like it."

"Maybe just a little. Now sit down cuz breakfast is almost ready."

Murphy smiled as he sat down, waiting for breakfast and tried to figure out why the hell Bellamy Blake had chosen him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this seems like the perfect ending but I have this thing about odd numbers so there's one more coming.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murphy opens Mbege's present and certain words are spoken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't proofread this before posting so sorry for any spelling or grammar errors.

Six months later...  
Bellamy had practically moved in and even though there had been some minor disagreements here and there, everything was good.

So good in fact that Murphy had decided it was finally time to open Mbege's present.

He waited until Bellamy had left for work even though he knew he wouldn't care, it still felt strange opening it with him around and they still hadn't talked about Mbege yet.

Bellamy never asked and Murphy never told so the subject remained untouched.

Murphy took a deep breath and with shaky hands opened the present. As he carefully cut open the box, he saw another letter and hesitated some before finally reading it.

I had planned to give this to you Christmas morning but with me finding out I was basically dying, it just didn't feel right. I didn't think it wad fair to give this to you and then leave you so give it to the one who's gonna stay cuz it's what you deserve. I love you and Merry Christmas John.

Murphy pulls a small black box out of the bigger one full of packing peanuts and immediately knows what it is. He opens it to find a simple gold band with To My Everything, Love JM engraved on the inside of it.

He places it back in the box and as tears start to wet his cheeks, he throws the box against the wall.

When Bellamy walks through the door after work the apartment is a disaster.

There's broken glass, broken chairs and more than a few holes in the walls. Not to mention there's blood in the bathroom as well as some of the holes and Murphy is no where to be found.

Although Murphy's absence isn't a big deal normally, coupled with the state of his apartment it had Bellamy a little freaked.

Bellamy called everyone he could think of but none of then had seen Murphy. He didn't know what to do and the fact that Murphy wasn't answering him freaked him out even more.

However Clarke called with a possible idea of where he could be. She told Bellamy where Mbege's grave was and given the recent letter and present from him it wad the best lead he had.

When Bellamy pulls into the cemetery and sees Murphy's car he breathes a sigh of relief.

He pulls up behind it and cautiously walks to Mbege's grave where Murphy is sitting with his knees in his chest, arms wrapped around his legs and his chin resting on his knees in front of the tombstone.

Bellamy stands behind him in silence, not wanting to disturb him and is just glad he's okay. Murphy knew Bellamy was there because he'd gotten used to the sound of his footsteps but didn't move and neither did Bellamy.

"How'd you know I was here?"

"I didn't. Clarke suggested I try looking here."

"Well here I am. You gonna yell at me for the apartment? Tell me how I need to get a handle on my anger or have you finally had enough and you're here to tell me you're done?"

"Murphy it's your apartment, you can do what you want and I'm the last person who's gonna tell you too get a handle on your anger when mine's just as bad. And I'm definitely not done. Honestly when I came home and saw the apartment in shambles and you gone I was worried. I didn't know what had happened. When I saw the blood, I got even more worried and then you weren't answering you phone, so I freaked out a little. I just, I..."

"He wanted to marry me. That's what the present was, a ring and I never knew. I thought I knew him but I guess I didn't. He was everything to me and I didn't even know that he was dying or that he wanted to marry me. What kind of a boyfriend did that? What..."

Bellamy sits down beside Murphy, wraps his arm around his shoulder and pulls him towards him.

"You can't blame yourself for any of it. When someone doesn't want you to know something, no matter how close you are, you won't know it. I'm sure he had his reasons but I guarantee you it had nothing to do with you. I didn't know him but I know that sometimes people make selfish decisions that have nothing to do with the people they love even though they're the ones who suffer most from those decisions."

"Would you do something you knew would kill you so you wouldn't die in a hospital? Would you deny Octavia the chance to say goodbye?"

"I don't know. I'd probably tell her but that's because until I met you, it was always just me and her. I know there's a bigger story to all of this and if you ever wanna fill me in on it, I'm here. I'm nit going anywhere Murphy, so whenever you're ready."

"There's a lot to tell."

"I got time but if we're gonna get to the hardware store before it closes we should leave now cuz that apartment isn't fixing itself."

"I fucked it up pretty bad, didn't I?"

"It's gonna take a few days and I think we only have one chair in the kitchen."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. Seriously, ask Octavia what I did to the last apartment we lived in."

"Why do I get the feeling that the couch didn't cause the hole in your apartment when you first moved in?"

"Maybe cuz it wasn't. You ready to go?"

Murphy nods as Bellamy helps him up and they had to their cars.

They spend the next few days fixing Murphy's apartment while he finally fills Bellamy in on everything about Mbege.

It was hard for him but Bellamy was patient and supportive, both of which were something Murphy hadn't had in a long time but was very thankful for.

Murphy was certain that when he woke up in the morning after everything was fixed that Bellamy would be gone but he wasn't.

Murphy woke up to Bellamy lightly running a hand through his hair and when his eyes fluttered open Bellamy smiled and said

"Morning."

"Why are you still here? I don't get it Bellamy. You could have anyone you wanted, why do you waste your time with me?"

"Because I love you Murphy."

As soon as the words left Bellamy's mouth Murphy was shocked. It was the first time he'd used to the words for someone other than Octavia and he'd said them to him.

"There's something about you that I can't shake nor do I want to. I can't stop thinking about you Murphy and between you and me, you're the only person I've been with who has ever been able to make me scream their name."

Murphy smirks and says

"I told you so."

"Yeah, yeah. Just remember who was screaming who's name last night."

"Fuck you!"

"Anytime."

They kiss and as Murphy places his forehead on Bellamy's he says

"I love you too."

And they lived happily ever after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad that people liked this story. It really means a lot and all the comments really boost my ego which always helps when writing. Thanks


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